According to Merriam-Webster, surrender is:
1 transitive verb
a : to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand
b : to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another
2 intransitive verb
a : to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner
b : to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)
3 intransitive verb
: to give oneself up into the power of another : yield
"Surrender." Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web 19 Aug. 2013. "http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/surrender."
Spiritually, I believe that this means that we need to yield to God, that we need to believe that He sees the entirety of our life on earth and not just the "sliver" that we see in the present and that He asks us to trust Him enough to surrender our "wants" to His will. For me, this concept is difficult because I've been living life for me, even though I've historically been someone who does things for others, in the grand scheme of my life, I've been pretty darn selfish. I want what I want, when I want it and how I want it. But to surrender to God means doing things I don't want to do but that I feel or know that God wants me to do...and it means to not do things that I want to do that go against His will for me. This all goes back to my "gut" and what I feel God is nudging me to either do or not do, and then to actually follow through with those things in obedience. Definitely not as easy or simple as it sounds. For example, I have a sharp/sarcastic way of dealing with people who frustrate or hurt me (mostly my own family). I really do believe that this is NOT how God wants me to behave. I do believe that He wants me to speak kindness, love, humility and self-sacrifice into every situation and to every person I come into contact with. Easy? Sometimes, especially if it's a stranger at the store or a gathering of friends or people at church...I don't seem to have a hard time speaking kindly and in love to those people. I'm not as emotionally invested in them as I am in my husband, kids, extended family and very closest friendships. That's where I'm tested. And I fail, miserably, far more than I succeed.
Surrender, I believe is to give up and give in to God's will. To empty myself of myself and allow God to fill me up. Allow Him to work through me. This is what I desire. This is what I struggle with. It's sacrifice. And sacrifice hurts. It's something that we have to give up that we really just don't want to give up, whether it's a harsh tone, a wrong relationship, a material possession, people that we love...the list is long. Ultimately, I believe that true surrender will lead to true joy, to true peace, to seeing the glory of God work in our lives as it's meant to. I think we get in the way of ourselves and the plans God has for us quite often. I'm sure I do. I believe that even when we stray from His path, He can still work things for our good, but not without a tremendous amount of pain, hardship, sacrifice, sadness - I think we have to travel a much more difficult road when we aren't obedient to His will by surrendering and sacrificing when and what He asks of us. When we delay our obedience, the cost is far greater than when we follow faster. I have very specific examples of times in my life that I have clearly gone against what God has wanted for me, and because of that, I have had to suffer through some stuff that hasn't been pleasant. Here's one story of many, and I think one that others can relate to, regardless of their spiritual beliefs...
I've always been overweight...pretty much my whole life at least marginally overweight. But there was a period of time in my life where I became "morbidly obese" and I had managed to tip the scale at my doctor's office, only seeing the number "350+" written in my chart. I'm certain that it's not in God's will for me to become so obese. For one thing, I'm created in God's image and if I take care of myself, I'm taking care of Him, of His gift of my life. For another thing, I had too much, while others had not nearly enough, or nothing. In no way do I believe that He thinks it's ok to eat more than I need, over and over again, and to allow myself to get so heavy. God, through His incredible grace, worked this miserable existence I was living in to my good. How? Well, I was able to have LapBand surgery 7 years ago, paid for mostly (90%) by my health insurance plan. 7 years later, through a lot of hard work, exercise, changing my eating habits...I have lost about 140lbs. Because I have lost this weight and gotten healthier, I have been able to go to nursing school, become a nurse, keep up with my kids, I can barely sit still anymore, I'm able to do SO much that I never thought I'd be able to do...my life literally has been changed for the good by having this surgery and losing this weight. The problem? Sagging skin and a body that is falling apart in the aftermath of carrying all of that extra weight around for so long. I have bulging discs in my back, had 2 torn tendons in my feet, an injured shoulder and most recently, surgery to repair a tear in my knee. The sagging skin is incredibly frustrating, as I can't wear clothes I should be able to wear and I have to see and feel all this skin every day, as a constant reminder of what I did to myself. The injuries I've suffered have slowed me down and caused a lot of pain, forced me to shift my course in my nursing career to less physically demanding jobs, and impeded my weight loss journey. All of this to say, that although God did and is working all of this for my good, it's come at a cost, and a hefty one. I could have started in my late teens and early 20's to really take care of myself, to eat healthier and to exercise regularly and I'm sure I would have been living in His will for me, at least in that one aspect of my life. I might not have had to go through everything I've gone through. This journey has been tough, and I've learned a lot of valuable lessons, but I am reminded daily of the price I have had to pay for delaying my surrender to Him.
None of this is to say that we don't have to go through suffering sometimes, even if we are living in God's will. We are tested and our faith can be shaken even if we are living in surrender. Take Job for example. Here's a dude that seemingly had everything...a large, close family, lots of animals, possessions, financial success and He was living in surrender to God, a good man in God's eyes. Then he was tested...he lost just about everything almost all at once. Lost his animals, possessions, lost all of his children, lost his health...and basically lost his will to live. One thing he didn't lose was his faith in God and his belief that He was in control. Job suffered incredibly, but continued to praise God even when he just wanted to give up and die. He refused to curse God for his suffering. The result? Job ended up being twice as blessed by God and lived the remainder of his life with much more than he originally had. Sometimes we go through the fire so that God can refine us. I'm reminded here of the following verse:
"This third I will put into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, ‘They are my people,’ and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’” - Zechariah 13:9, New International Version (NIV)
Sometimes going through the fire will refine us and make us better and remind us that God is in control. Sure, it would be nice if we could just remember that all the time and always be faithful, always live in surrender and sacrifice and never have to endure the suffering. But, we are human, and we all fall short. We all only see a "sliver" of our life and circumstances, and it's easy to want what we think is best for us through that lens. But God sees the entire scene, our entire life laid out before His eyes, and He knows the plans He has for us, and He knows where and when we will fail to live in His will, and as Paul reminds us in Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
We must continue to surrender and continue to live in His will. We will surely fail, probably more than we succeed. But thankfully, we have a God who is always right there, who will refine us like silver and bring us who believe into His glory. It's a hard fight, especially in this corrupt, fallen, selfish world we live in...but it's a fight worth fighting.
Lord I just pray that You will continue to open my eyes to Your will for me, that You will continue to ask me to surrender what is necessary for me to surrender so that I may be refined like silver. I know that I'm selfish and that I want what I want when I want it. I'm impatient and it's hard for me to see what's on the other side of suffering through my surrender...but help me to trust in You and to know that You are in control and that Your plans and Your will for me are right and good and will bring me true joy and peace and eternal life because I believe. Catch me when I fall Lord and place me back on the path that leads to You, not away from You. Thank you for patiently waiting for me to follow You and help me learn to respond faster to Your will from this point forward. In Jesus' name, Amen.
