I'm going to start this post off by saying that it's a really good thing I don't blog every single time I have something on my mind to blog about...or I'd never get anything else done, and if anyone actually reads these posts, they'd get pretty tired of my babble - if they're not already.
With that said, here's what's on my mind today...it's about relationship and God's design. So, God created Adam and then realized he needed a companion (and, I think that He knew he kinda messed up and needed to make a better model, lol). So with Adam and Eve came the first human relationship, of many relationships. God created us in His image...but going back to a post from a long time ago, what the bible actually says in Genesis 1:26 is "And God said, Let us make man in our image." "Us" in this text is the trinity, God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. See, the trinity exists in relationship to each other. I highly recommend reading "The Shack" by William Paul Young for a really awesome look into what this relationship might be like, if we could give them human personas. Anyway, the trinity is and always has been about relationship, and the really cool thing about this relationship is that it's perfect. Each member of the trinity is about loving each other well, and perfectly. Not only do they love each other perfectly, but they love us perfectly, and the love they share and the love they give is to serve as an example of how we human's should love each other. Not only was it God's design for the trinity to be in relationship with each other, and the trinity to be in relationship with us...but it was also His design for us to then go out into the world and be in relationship with each other.
But...we're human and we have lots of human issues, like selfishness, jealousy, anger, possessiveness, fleshly desires...we are not perfect, not by any stretch of the imagination. But God, because He loves us so much, wanted us to understand His design and desire for us so much...that when we totally weren't getting it, He sent His beloved Son to walk the earth, to live among us, as one of us, to SHOW us how do this whole relationship thing. He showed us how to have relationship with Him (refer to the many times in the New Testament that we read about Jesus going to be alone to pray to God, have a relationship with Him) and He showed us how to have relationship with each other. Refer to Matthew 22:36-40 "36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” This scripture very clearly defines how we are to love God and love each other. It's ALL about relationship.
I don't know about you, but I've had some pretty imperfect relationships with people. I've had struggles in my relationships with my parents, my siblings, my friends, my boyfriends, husband, children - I have more examples of relationships gone bad than I would care to admit. I'm currently struggling in these relationships, all of them really. I'm not sure a single one is good and perfect and the way God intended it to be. I have been hurt, I'm sure I have hurt others. I'm currently in a whole lot of pain from many of these relationships. This pain is frankly worse than any physical pain I've ever experienced, and trust me, I've had quite a bit of physical pain to compare it to. I'm hurting and I'm broken and I'm wrestling with God over what I could have or should have or want to but can't...do to make these relationships good and whole and holy. I can't tell you how much my trust in people has been shattered. About the sadness I feel in my heart and deep in my soul. I'm not trying to be whiny, I'm just admitting how broken I feel and have felt over broken relationships.
It's really easy to blame others for what has gone wrong, it's really easy to blame God too...because why would He bring people into my life only to either take them out physically, emotionally, spiritually...or to have them just be so difficult. It's easy to point the finger away from myself, and really difficult to look in the mirror and see my own faults, my own issues. I can tell you one thing for sure, I've been taking the difficult path lately (mostly because I feel like I've been forced to, but also because I really do want to understand and work through it all) and I've seen a few things that I'm going to share.
First of all, I NEED to have a good, solid relationship with God FIRST, before I can have good, solid relationships with other people. Here's the problem that I have though - I can't really see God physically, I can't really feel God physically, I can't really just go hang out and have a drink with God and have a fun time, an intimate conversation or a spiritual discussion like I can with a person. So this is really difficult to do, have a good solid relationship with God. It's something I've been trying to work on and I think as with any relationship, it's going to take a lot of time, a lot of intentional practices, a lot of effort, a lot of work! Spending time with God is something that doesn't come naturally to me because I live in a human world and for most of my life, I haven't really had or known how to have a relationship with God. I haven't had Jesus. I'm learning, it's hard, but I have to and I want to figure this out...because I know that He is the way, the truth and the life, and I want this truth and life...desperately. I also want this relationship because I want to have good, meaningful relationships with others...and I know that I can't do this well or right unless I'm filled so much with my relationship with Him that it literally spills over to my human relationships.
Second, I need to make sure that God is MY alpha and MY omega. That I do not place people and my relationships with people above God. Honestly, I suck at this! I'm an idol worshipper. I have always put people in the place of God. Not that I think people are God or are above God, but I have made people in my life such a high priority that it's almost like I'm worshipping them or my relationship with them above or instead of God. I've had my priorities way out of order for my whole life and God knows that I'm trying to figure this out. There should be an order...and a wonderful friend/mentor of mine once tried to explain this to me with "rings" or "circles." Basically, the inner circle is God - and He's at the center of everything. The next circle should be my spouse, then children, then extended family, friends, and others. These circles are for me, because I'm married and have children...your circles might look different, but one thing that should always be the same is that innermost circle should be God. When we get our circles out of order, all kinds of problems happen. Trust me when I tell you - I have learned this the hard way. My circles have been so discombobulated that I'm really feeling the consequences and they're not fun. I need to align my circles in the proper order - which is just really not coming easily to me and something I need to and want to work on.
Finally, I need to trust God enough that even when I can't trust others, or trust myself, I know and believe that I can trust Him. When my relationships are falling apart, when I'm hurting because I have put my trust in people and they've let me down, when I feel like I'm so alone and so lonely...when my heart is literally crushed in anguish, remorse, dread, sadness...I need to have complete faith in the only One that I know will never leave me or foresake me. The One who came to bind up the brokenhearted. I need to believe God and trust that He will get me through, and teach me something in the process and that I will grow into the person that He created me to be. Going through the fire hurts like hell (pardon the pun) when you're smack in the middle of it. But going through the fire purifies us...like gold. There is growth, there is glory. The expression "no pain, no gain" is something I never truly understood like I do now. So I need to trust God with my relationships, and trust that if they fail, if they cause pain, if they're messy - He will faithfully pull me through to the other side, better and stronger and wiser than I was before.
Jesus, I come to the foot of your cross with my face to the ground...humbly asking you to help me in my relationships. First, help me learn to keep my relationship with God (through you and with the help of the Spirit) as my first and most important relationship. Please fill me so full with our relationship that it literally spills out onto others so that I may glorify you and that when they see me, they see you. Second, help me to have healthy relationships with the people in my life, with my circles in the order you created them to be in. My desire is to have a heart and an allegiance like Jonathan had for David. To be the best wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, relative, friend and companion that I can be. Remove the impurities that exist in my heart towards others by bringing me through the fire into your circle and help me learn to trust you with all of my life and all of my relationships. Thank you for all you have done in me and for me and all that you will continue to do. I pray for your strength, guidance and wisdom in all that I do and all that I am. In Jesus' name. Amen.
