So, I know it's been a really long time since I've posted to my blog. I've had a lot going on in my personal life that has kind of been a tad consuming. However, I'm not here to talk about all of that. I am here, though, to talk about something that I think we can all relate to. That something...is getting what we want.
We all have wants, in fact, I believe that it's innate in us from before we were born to have wants. When we are babies, we cry when we want something. As toddlers, we throw fits when we want something. Teens...slam doors, roll eyes, beg, plead, bargain. Adults, I think we kind of do a combination of all of those things. Sometimes we cry, throw fits, beg, beat against a wall. We can do this with each other, but we also do this with God. We expect God to fulfill the promises that He's made to us, like the promise of Jeremiah 29:11, for example: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Somehow, people forget the other parts of that chapter, especially the part about where it will take 70 years to get those plans rolling. In fact, just before verse 11, Jeremiah says "This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place." Umm, 70 years? WHAT? I was kind of hoping for say, NOW or maybe 5 years ago would have been nice...but I could be dead in 70 years.
So, back in the day, if you've ever read through the Old Testament...the Jews wanted what everyone else had. They wanted a King like the other nations to rule over them and build armies to fight for them so they could get more of what they wanted. They desperately wanted a King. They begged God for a King. He kept saying "no" and they didn't really like that answer, so they threw some major fits until finally God said "fine, you want a King, you will get a King, and you'll be just like everyone else." Sometimes I feel like God was kind of like us human parents...you get worn down by the tantrums and the begging and the pleading of your kids, that you just give in and give them what they want, even if you KNOW it's not good for them, just to get them to SHUT UP!!! I'm not the only one that has done this, am I? So God gave the Jews a King. Some of the Kings were really good Kings and there was prosperity in Israel and the people were right with God and He blessed them. Sometimes the Kings were really bad, and the people forgot all of the goodness of God and turned their backs on Him, creating false idols, going after things and people and land that they wanted, without consulting with God. It seems like, if you read through Kings and Chronicles, that God is with the people when they are with Him, but then when they forget Him, he turns His back on them.
It seems really conditional, God's love and His promises, throughout the Old Testament. I don't know about you, but as a mom, I LOVE my kids, truly unconditionally. I get irritated with them and they do bad things, but I still love them. I don't turn my back on them...I might walk away or send them to their room for a time out or take something away from them that will punish them for something they have or haven't done, but nothing changes my love for them. BUT, sometimes we have to let our kids make their own mistakes and figure things out on their own. I think it's called "natural consequences." I know that what you want isn't good for you, but I can't (especially the older they get) always stop you from going after something that you want that isn't good for you. I have to step back and let you figure it out on your own. When you realize that it's not good for you, I'll still be here, and I'll always still love you, but I kinda can't watch you do this, so I might just put my hand in front of my eyes for a while and it might feel like I'm not here and that I don't love you...but know that I do love you, I just can't watch you make this mistake because it will hurt me too!
Ok, so if you can relate so far, imagine how God feels about His children when we ask for something that He KNOWS isn't good for us, but we ask, and we beg, and we plead and we bargain, and finally...He's like, ok fine, you can have it, I know it's not good for you, I KNOW the plans I have for you, but you want to take matters into your own hands and that's ok, I gave you free will and I created you in My image and I get that it's hard to be patient and wait, so go ahead, it's yours. I can't really watch you do this because it hurts me, so it might feel like I've abandoned you, but I'm really still here, and I'll always be here and I love you. I still know the plans I have for you, and one way or another, they will get fulfilled, maybe not for 70 years, and maybe not even in THIS life, but you are only delaying what I have for you...and I guess you want to figure that out the hard way. So then, we get what we wanted. YAY! God must be in this because He gave me what I wanted and it's going to be SO awesome! And then...at some point...maybe right away, or maybe in 70 years, we realize that we don't really feel like God is with us or that He's blessing us...we feel like He's abandoned us and we realize that what we thought we wanted is indeed NOT good for us and we get really, really ANGRY with God. WHY DID YOU LET ME HAVE THIS? If you KNEW it wasn't good for me, why did you allow it to happen? What kind of God allows me to get what He knows isn't good for me????
Thinking back to Genesis, a really really BIG example of what happens when we take matters into our own hands instead of waiting on God...is the whole Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac scenario. If you don't know this story, please read it! Here's basically what happened: God tells Abraham in his OLD age, that He's going to give him a son and that He's going to bless ALL the nations through him. Abraham has ALWAYS wanted a son, and so has his wife Sarah, and they are way past the age of having children and just figured it wasn't meant to be, and so they still wanted, but they were just dealing with it. Then God tells them His plan, that they WILL have a son, and they wait...and they wait...and they wait. No son. Nothing. Ummm, clearly God isn't going to give us what we want, so Sarah's like, hey hubby, go get busy with my handmaiden Hagar and have a kid through her. Let's make this happen already, let's get what we want. So Abraham is like, well...ok I guess...so then he has a son, Ishmael. Now, God wasn't happy with what he did, but He's like, whatever dude, I'm still going to bless you like I said I would, but you took matters into your own hands, you didn't wait on me, and that's ok...but there will be consequences. Now, here's your son Isaac that I promised you and I will still bless all nations through him, but there's going to be trouble for a very long time because Ishmael's line will also be blessed and it's not going to be pretty to get back to my original plan because you wanted something so bad that you got it your own way instead of my way. In case anyone hasn't noticed, there has been a LOT of tension in the middle east throughout history. A lot of fighting, a lot of really bad things have happened, are still happening, and will continue to happen because Abraham just didn't feel like waiting for God to give him what he wanted so desperately. I think that a lot of my people, the Jewish people, especially Israel, feel like God has abandoned them/us. We're supposed to be the "chosen" people of God. Why is there all this fighting, why has the land you PROMISED us turned into a huge warzone? How could you allow all of this to happen? Lots of people are angry with God...but is it really God's fault that Abraham took matters into his own hands? Did God ALLOW this to happen, well - yes He did. Remember He gave us free will and He created us in His image and we might delay His plans for us because we go about getting what we want with or without His blessings...BUT...
This is a REALLY big but (I like big...ok nevermind). Anyway, here's the really GOOD news. God, even when we take matters into our own hands and even when He allows us to get what we want sometimes even if it's not what HE wants for us, is bigger than our mistakes. He can take the worst mistakes we make and work things out for the good. Wait, here's a little quote from scripture: Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." The really GOOD news is that He will redeem us if we love Him, even if we've made a million mistakes. We STILL have hope, we STILL have a future. We STILL can fulfill HIS purpose for our lives!! Hallelujah and praise God.
I have seen this happen recently in my own life, and to be blunt, I'm not sure if I deserved to see this so quickly or why it was revealed to me so quickly, but I am so very thankful that it was. Without going into details, I took a matter into my own hands, without consulting God, I made a decision...God said, uh, hello...did we talk about this? I don't think I remember me saying this was ok for you to do. I realized a few days later that it wasn't what God wanted me to do, and I was able to reverse the decision I made...thankfully. Now, I have to say that I'm still not sure how things are going to end up in this matter, but I can say that God took my mistake, turned it into something I never thought could or would happen, and the story is still unfolding. I have absolutely NO idea how long it will take to get what I want (if EVER), to get what God is working out for me, and there are days where I just get really impatient and really angry and feel like taking matters into my own hands. But I have to stop and pause...I have to force myself to remember who is in charge, and it's not me. It's not my timeline, it's not about what I want, even though I really feel like I know what I want. I am trying day by day, minute by minute, to wait and to trust and to be who He wants me to be in the meantime, in the waiting...even though I seriously want to (and sometimes do) throw a HUGE temper tantrum.
God, PLEASE forgive me for the times I haven't (and don't) trust you. Forgive me for being impatient like a toddler and for begging for what I want even though I'm not sure it's what YOU want for me. Forgive me for taking matters into my own hands, for being selfish, for wanting what may not necessarily be good for me even if it feels like it is or should be! It is my desire to be still and KNOW that you are God, but sometimes I forget to be still, or I just completely refuse to be still before you. My life before Christ might have been easier in many ways, and frankly Lord, it's SOOOOOOOOOOOO hard to follow You, SOOOOOOOOOOO hard to be still, SOOOOOOOOO hard to trust. This world is FULL of temptations at every single corner, FULL of things, stuff, people, places that distract me and make me want something more, or something different than what I have. But, Lord, I don't want a life devoid of You. I can't go back. I don't want to go back. I want to be content, thankful and at peace and I know that even though I look for that everywhere else, it can ONLY be found in You. Help me to keep my eyes focused on YOU, help me keep my ears open to Your words, wisdom and discernment, help me to keep my face to the ground worshipping, praising and thanking You for what I have, what I don't have, what I can have, what I can't have...keep reminding me Lord, that it's YOUR will I want and need, not mine! In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.
