43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. 48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. Matthew 5:43-48 NLT
I've been thinking quite a bit lately about this concept of loving EVERYONE. It's become really easy to love the unlovable that are "out there." The marginalized. It's easy to show love to the clerk at the store, the homeless people I see on the streets, my patients, people at church, parents of my kids friends, 500+ "friends" on Facebook...
What I'm finding to be extremely difficult though, is to love those close to me that hurt me. Especially repeat offenders. Especially those who don't seem to love or care about themselves. Especially those that don't seem to love me back. Jesus says that we shouldn't only love those who love us, but that we are to love perfectly, like our Father in heaven. Jesus knows that this isn't easy. Look at some of the people He loved...tax collectors, sinners, prostitutes, disfigured, the mentally unstable, possessed, homeless, outcasts. These were people that were the marginalized. It may have been easy, though unfathomable to the religious leaders of the time, for Jesus to love these people. They weren't really close to Him. They weren't in his "inner circle." Then there was Judas. This was someone in His circle...one of His closest friends, one of the 12 original disciples that He brought to Himself to show "the way." Judas was to betray Jesus and hand Him over to the Romans and Pharisees for money. On the very night Judas was to betray Jesus, Jesus washed his feet. He got on his hands and knees and scrubbed the dirty, stinky feet of a man He loved dearly, who was about to hand Him over to die a criminal's death. How do you love someone that betrays you? This is what I have been struggling with for quite some time and what's been on my heart and mind and what I feel that God is speaking to me about lately. So, here I am...sharing it with all 2 or 3 of you who read this blog. Thanks for letting me vent!
With people who have betrayed me, been unkind, hurt me over and over...I have asked God to change them, change their hearts and to make them see the error of their ways. I've even asked Him to release me from some of those relationships because they are too hard and hurt too much. I've had others ask me why I stay in these relationships, many have flat out said that I should just walk away. I'd probably tell myself to walk away if I were someone else. What I've been finding out is that God has been more interested in changing me than those I've asked Him to change. I honestly feel like He's trying to teach me how to love the way He spoke about in the verses above. Sacrificial love. Unconditional love. Perfect love. Loving without being loved in return. Humanly speaking, this has been IMPOSSIBLE for me to do. But as I have learned to truly receive the perfect love that God gives me, I am finding that with Him, it is becoming possible. It's truly mind boggling to me. It's not just actions devoid of emotions. It's not just emotions devoid of action. It's a combination of empathy, love, actions and words. It's learning to trust not in others, but in Him. It's learning to humble myself, to open myself, to be incredibly vulnerable when I'd previously just shut down, lash out or try to pretend things didn't bother me. I wouldn't say that it's easy. I am in a constant war between my human flesh and human emotions and the supernatural help of the Spirit that lives in me. By the worlds standards, I don't "deserve" to be treated the way I've been treated and I "deserve" to be happy and walking away is the only thing that makes sense. God is teaching me that those who live in darkness need light, not more darkness. He has called me to be the light. So the light I'm trying to be. I have absolutely no way to know what this will lead to. It could lead to devastating loss, it could lead to incomprehensible happiness, it might even never be resolved in my lifetime. All I know is that it's what I'm called to do, and I want to be obedient.
I'm not saying that it's ok for me to be treated poorly. It's not ok for anyone to be treated poorly. As Jesus showed us...it's ok to hate the sin, but we are to love the sinner. I don't know about you, but it's really hard for me to separate the sin from the sinner. I've often wondered how it's possible for a family who has lost a son or daughter to a senseless murder to go on TV and say that they have forgiven the person that murdered their loved one that they feel love for them and that they pray for them. Those people clearly have the love of God living in them and they have learned to receive it and to be obedient to Jesus' call to love their enemies and love those who persecute them. Jesus, hanging on the cross, in immense pain and suffocating to death...said “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34 (NLT). He was showing love to the very people who were KILLING Him! How on earth did He do that? How does anyone do that? It can only be explained by accepting the perfect love of the Father and then allowing that love to pour out of us in a way that is not comprehensible to the human mind.
One thing I've realized is that withholding love comes from fear. It's the fear of being rejected and not loved in return that keeps us from experiencing and giving love. John does an awesome job of explaining this in 1 John chapter 4:
Loving One Another
7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God.
8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.
10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.
12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.
13 And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us.
14 Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.
15 All who declare that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God.
16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.
17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.
18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other because he loved us first.
Lord, I want to love perfectly, because You love me perfectly. I do not want to allow bitterness, resentment, jealousy or fear to prevent me from loving others the way that You have called me to love. It's impossible for me to love this way without Your help. Please help me not only to love well, but to have the discernment to know when to love up close and when to love from afar. I pray for wisdom to know when to stay and when to walk away. I pray that in all I do and in all I say, I glorify You by loving the way you have loved me and that at the end of my earthly life, I can say that I at least loved well...even if that love was never returned to me here. I want YOUR love to permeate me so much that it just flows out of me to everyone I come into contact with...from the marginalized to those in my "inner circle." I pray all this in the name of Your perfect Son. Amen.
