Today, a series of absolutely amazing things happened that can ONLY have been orchestrated by God. I know. I will attempt to explain but there's no way I can truly put this into words.
First, my SISTERS class at church meets on Sunday's after the service during discipleship hour. We have used this hour to learn, share, pray, bond and so much more. The wonderful woman who leads this class prays about what is next for our class and for the summer, she needed a break from teaching. She asked us each to pick a week to share our story or something that's going on in our lives. The parameter gave us is that it needs to be tied somehow to a scripture verse or something in the Bible. I volunteered to take the first Sunday of this "series" which was today. Ironically, this weekend is the 33rd anniversary of my Bat Mitzvah. Friday night June 24th 1983, I recited a Torah portion that I had studied and practiced for more than a year in Hebrew. It was from the book of Micah, and specifically in my speech that night, I spoke about Micah 6:8:
No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.
Here is a picture of the main part of the speech, which my Dad helped me write:
I also passed my Baptism speech around the room and each lady read part of it. You can read that on my blog post entitled "I've Been Dunked" from November 2014.
Ok, rewind just a little bit...(sorry, I'm feeling this overwhelming urgency right now to write this post so I am trying to keep my typing and brain in sync somehow). If you've read my blog, you know that one of the biggest struggles I've had with this whole following Jesus thing has been the disappointment, disapproval, etc of my family and Jewish friends. So, this has really been weighing on me a lot lately and I want to shout and share my faith with everyone, everywhere without fear of disapproval.
Songs at church today: Amazing Grace and a few others, all making me think about how I'm supposed to be free from the chains because I believe, but I still feel chained because I don't feel free to share with EVERYONE. Then, sermon today...scripture in sermon. Galatians 1:10 and Galatians 2:20 - for easy reference:
Galatians 1:10 (NLT) 10 Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.
Galatians 2:20 (NLT) 20 My old self has been crucified with Christ.[a] It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
So, then I went to SISTERS class and talked about my Bat Mitzvah, about Micah 6:8, we read my Baptism speech...I talked about the songs and the sermon today and how crazy it was that it all just tied right in to all that I've been feeling and going through and how hard it is to have my family so disappointed in me, especially my mom. It was a great class, the ladies are amazing, understanding, supportive, they love me, I love them. I believe God has brought these people into my life for a reason, or rather me into theirs. Ok - fast forward...
I go to pick up my mom after church to take her to visit a relative of ours that is dying of cancer (which is super hard because I LOVE this woman so much, but I totally believe in heaven and I know she's going there which gives me some peace)...anyway, a friend of mine, a really good friend, who I go to church with and who was in the SISTERS class today and who got choked up reading the part of my speech that she was reading and who I have come to know pretty well and love to pieces and can totally see Jesus in her all the time...she texts me while we are driving. My mom, who is always on heightened alert to the phone, wonders if that's someone texting me and wants to know who it is. I tell her my friend's name that texted. She asked if she knows this friend, I say no, she asks if I know her from nursing school, I say no...from church. It, by the way, is hard for me to even talk about church at all with my mom, even though I know that she knows that I go it's still just an awkward thing to bring up.
I know I'm babbling but I truly feel this urgency to get this all out and right now, when I should be in bed since I have to work tomorrow and have a full day.
My mom says to me...my MOM. The one who is incredibly disappointed that I believe in Jesus, who is always making comments about how uncomfortable some people in her apartment building make her feel when they talk about the Bible (New Testament), Jesus, Christianity, etc....which then makes ME feel uncomfortable because, hello - I'm one of those people - says to me (I'm still in shock and disbelief) - "maybe I can go with you to church sometime so I can see what it's like. After all, you go to synagogue with me sometimes." WHAT? WHAT? MY MOTHER, who feels incredibly uncomfortable when people mention the name Jesus, the New Testament, church or anything about it, I mean VERY UNCOMFORTABLE, just asked me if she can go to church with me sometime????????????? WHAT?
I actually feel paralyzed, stunned, in shock ... all I can do tonight is have tears flow out of my eyes and down my cheek and wonder how this amazing God that I believe in but still maybe don't believe that He really wants to be INTIMATELY involved with MY life...how He can make MY MOTHER want to step foot into a church. And...there's more. Because when God is trying to get a message across, He does a series of things to make me realize that it's Him...
When I texted my friend that texted me in the car...that my mother just said she thought maybe she could go to church with me sometime...texted this back to me "Omw (which means, oh my word), Praise the Lord! My heart prayed that prayer for her today in class. " WHAT??????????????? GOD IS...WOW.
People...whoever is reading this. I am telling you right now that God is REAL. Jesus loves you...everything about you. He cares deeply and intimately for you and all He wants from you is YOU. A relationship with Him. Without fear. Without worrying about approval from man, but only caring about His approval. To trust Him...completely. To be yourself, share your stuff, speak His word, and let Him deal with the way others react. Wait, there's more...
I had to call/tell a couple other friends. I called one - the one from nursing school who really helped to spark my interest in finding out the truth...and after we hung up the phone, she just happened to be reading this and sent me a picture of this page:
Lord, I thank You - for loving me. For showing me that You are REAL. For reminding me that You care intimately about my life and that Your ways are far far beyond my understanding, but that I can and should trust You. I thank you for the ways that You show up in my life in mind blowing ways. I pray that I can have the guts to bring my Mom to church and that I can feel more free to share You with everyone, without fear. I pray that I can be bold like David when facing Goliath. I pray that You will continue to do Your amazing, yet painful work in my heart and my life to transform me into the image of Your son. In Jesus name, I praise and thank You!
