So I married a non-Jew...

So I kind of touched on this in my first post, but I met a non-Jewish guy online back in - well I guess 1991 or 1992 for the first time.  If you're an Internet buff at all, you might say - wait a minute, the Internet wasn't even around then.  You would be correct.  Through a friend's boyfriend, I got hooked into this online chat room thing that was just text - no graphics, no point and click - no pictures - just text.  Can you imagine? 

So I "met" this guy online and we chatted both online and on the phone off and on for over a year - actually longer.  We met in person in 1994 and the rest is history.  So, he's a non-Jew.  I'm a Jew.  Fortunately for me, several other relatives in my family had already married non-Jews so it wasn't a huge deal by the time I met him.  He was a "non-practicing" non-Jew...and my family loved him.

He was raised Methodist and was Baptized (of his own accord and with no family present) at 12 years old.  Somewhere along the line of his life, he lost his faith in God and was anti-organized religion.  It turns out that I was pretty much in the same boat myself at the time. Not that I had lost faith in God, but that I was really not a fan of organized religion.  It was good that we agreed on this, I thought - because we basically both believed in God so we figured we'd just raise our kids to believe in God and kind of leave out all the other stuff - and to just celebrate the holidays with our respective families.  Seemed easy enough.  Surely this could work.

Here's kind of how I came to not be a fan of organized religion...other than just never feeling right growing up as a Jew.  When we moved to Florida, the temple my parents chose for us to attend left a bad taste in my mouth.  It seemed like a lot of "fake" people including the Rabbi were just kind of going through the motions but it felt like more of a fashion show and social time than a "family" or a religion.  I can't really explain it but I just didn't feel at home there.  I should also note that when I went to Israel in 1988 with my Jewish youth group...and had the opportunity to be around kids my own age, I was introduced to the idea that you don't have to go to a synagogue to be Jewish.  The Israeli teens I met felt that since they lived in Israel, the Promised Land, that was enough.  I kinda liked this idea - I was tired of being "forced" to attend services during the High Holidays (Rosh Hashanah - the Jewish New Year and Yom Kippur - the day of atonement).  I wasn't really sure what the point was of not attending services ever or rarely and then having everyone make such a big deal about attending twice a year - it was like I had to put in my appearance and let the people see that I'm still a Jew...oh, and to ask God to forgive me for all the sins I committed that year.  When I think about this idea now that I believe that Jesus came to save us and was the ultimate sacrifice for our sin and that we're already forgiven...it seems even crazier that the Jews spend one day a year asking God to forgive them...and pretty much just turn around and live the same way they'd been living.  Granted, I'm sure there are MANY Jews who take this very seriously and who truly do try to turn from sin.  I know I personally always went back to living the same way, came to ask forgiveness at the High Holidays...and around and around.  I never felt different.  I never felt committed to changing...it was like, eh, ok I asked for forgiveness, I hope He'll forgive me, and I'll be back again next year to ask again.

Anyway - I just wasn't a fan of organized religion.  So we got married by a justice of the peace - who happened to be Jewish - in a large dinner theater at the school I worked at - we did a unity candle ceremony with the mom's and he crushed the glass at the end and there was a big "Mazel Tov" and yee-hawing.  A very non-religious ceremony with a little something from his and a little something from mine thrown in.

Don't get me wrong, I think there are lots of amazing rituals and traditions in Judaism, especially in a wedding ceremony.  But we were trying to downplay religion - in our ceremony - and in our lives.  Oh if I could go back and know then what I know now - how different things would be.  But I've always believed that everything in life happens for a reason...and everything we do and every experience that we have helps to shape us into who we become.  So here I am - 15 years later.  Married to the non-Jew who is also really a non-Christian.  We've got 2 boys that we have hardly introduced anything of either religion to - except we celebrate holidays with our respective families and they went to a Jewish preschool.  Our oldest was 10 years old and the youngest 6 when I started on this little faith journey of mine.  Most Jewish parents actually set the Bar/Bat Mitzvah date for their kids when they are 10 - apparently the dates book up fast in the synagogues and there's a few years of prep time before the actual ceremony.  This was the time when I started to really seriously look into who I was, what I believed and what in the world I was going to do about my kids and God.

Growing up Jewish

I didn't just wake up one day and decide that I wanted to belive in Jesus.  Honestly, believing in Jesus is the last thing a Jewish girl thinks or says or ever dreams about doing.  Why?  Because that's not what we do.  We just don't.  You grow up in a Jewish home and you go to Sunday school and Hebrew school and you have a Bat Mitzvah and you marry a Jewish man and you raise Jewish children and then they go to Sunday and Hebrew school and have Bar/Bat Mitzvah's ... and so on and so on. 

Well, I did go to to Sunday school and Hebrew school...I had a Bat Mitzvah when I was 12 years old, I was confirmed at the end of the 10th grade from Sunday school, I went to Hebrew High School - kind of like an extension of Sunday and Hebrew school after you are confirmed...you don't have to do it but I got a scholarship at my confirmation ceremony to attend Hebrew High School the next year...so I did.  My parents were proud, my grandparents were proud (the ones still alive anyway), all of my relatives were proud.  Neither of my siblings even made it to confirmation, let alone going beyond that.  I even went to Israel with my Jewish youth group - they didn't go.

I did everything I was supposed to do.  Then when I was 22 or 23 I "met" this non Jewish guy online - an agnostic actually - and we hit it off.  I lived in Florida, he lived in Oklahoma, but I was totally in love with this guy before we ever even met.  When we met, I ended up telling my mom that I was going to Oklahoma to see him - well let me just say that she cried like she did when my grandparents died.  Where did she go wrong?  How could I be with/date a non Jewish guy?  It was a pretty horrible experience.  Things didn't end up working out with him...but then a little over a year later, I met this other non Jewish guy that I'd met online - he lived alot closer to me - only about 30 minutes away.  By this time, my parents were divorcing and my mom had dated a very nice Southern Baptist man.  She was way more accpeting of me dating this guy - not that she liked it.  She wanted me to marry a Jewish guy - that's what Jewish mom's want for their kids.  That's just the way it is.  I ended up marrying this one but that's a story for another day. 

I never truly felt connected to the Jews in my Sunday school, Hebrew school, synagogue - I don't even know how to explain it.  All I know is that most of my good friends were non Jews my whole life.  I think mainly because I went to schools where I was either the only Jew or one of only a few Jews.  But still...I never felt like I belonged.  Oh well, it's what I am - it's who I am, it's what we do.  I would go to High Holiday services and occasionally go to other services at the synagogue mostly to please my mom or grandma.  I never really felt connected, I still go sometimes if I'm not working and I like the sermons and I like reading the prayers in English - cus even though I can read Hebrew, translating it as you pray is a whole different ball game...but I still just don't feel like it's who I am...can't explain it. 

So when my youngest son is 3 years old, he starts asking questions about God - he's very inquisitive, I don't have all the answers...he asks about Jesus.  Oh boy.  My best friend that I met in nursing school talks to me about Jesus and her beliefs/faith. We had lots of awesome talks about God and Jesus and Jews and stuff, and between her and my son asking questions...I start asking myself questions.  I start reading books, I am looking for something that tells me exactly WHY Jews don't believe in Jesus - I was only told growing up that we don't believe in Jesus, we don't believe the Messiah has come yet, we don't read or believe in the New Testament - really actually "Jesus" is like a bad word - it's like a word you have to whisper under your breath cus we just don't talk about "him" - you know "him" - I mean they say he was a good guy and all - maybe like a prophet...but the Messiah?  God?  Oh no - no no no we just don't believe that.  Why?  No idea.  We just don't.  Period.  The end.

So I start reading...I'm on a mission to come up with my defense for my Jesus loving best friend to explain why she's wrong and I'm right.  I am on a mission to come up with answers for my son.  I'm on a mission to figure out what I believe and why.  I'm looking for proof that Jesus is NOT the Messiah.  Looking for proof that there is ONE and ONLY ONE God.  Not a 3-in-1 situation.  Just ONE. 

To make a very long story short.  My mission backfired on me.  I ended up reading all kinds of stuff, including the New Testament.  This guy Jesus had some GOOD stuff.  You can't argue that.  You just can't.  I mean really - the 2 basic things this guy drove home was to love your God with all your heart, mind, body, soul...and to treat others the way you want to be treated.  You can't argue with that.  It's good stuff.  Logic and intellect eventually led to more...one book led to another book. One conversation with a believer led to another.  I started going to a Bible study with some Christian friends.  And now...I'm a believer. In Jesus.  As the Messiah.  I did not just wake up one day and say "I think I'm going to believe in Jesus."  Why would I do that?  Why would I WANT to give my mother a heart attack?  Why would I WANT to explain to my entire family and all my Jewish friends that I was going against everything I was raised to believe?  Well, I don't. And I haven't.  I'm trying to find the courage and the strength.  I don't have it yet.  But I do have faith.  I have faith that God is real and that He sent His one and only Son Jesus to live among us and to try to knock some sense into the Jews, of which He was one, lived as one, taught as one...and came to save.  I believe.  Now what?