So I've been neglecting my blog a bit lately. Not because I haven't had thoughts...I have a million of those daily and they keep me up half the night many times too. But, I seemed to have been inspired today by something my BFF said, and by some stuff in my Beth Moore bible study (Breaking Free, HIGHLY recommend this one), and by today's sermon at church. I know that I tend to ramble and sometimes I'm not sure that I can follow what I'm saying, let alone anyone reading this. So I'll try to make sense of my thoughts but I can't make any promises.
So, here's a little glimpse into my texting conversation today with the bestie: Her: "I was thinking this morning about people who don't follow and how some people seem fine without God." Me: "Seem fine...that's the key. You may seem and even think your'e fine...and then you find Jesus and realize you were so not fine."
I know a lot of people, and in fact, I WAS one of those people...who thought, "hey, I'm a good person, I try to do what's right, I'm nice to people, I give to charity...I don't really need religion, I don't really need to go to synagogue." Basically, I was saying and many people say, I'm good without God. Here's the thing...God created us to have empty spaces in our jar. Many of us think our jar is pretty full, or that if we just had [money, a spouse, a bigger house, a better car, a good job...insert just about anything here] that we'd be full! There's always just "one more thing" we "need" or "want" to have that fullness we innately desire. But God didn't have all that stuff in mind when He created us. He actually purposefully left empty spaces in our jar of life. Why? Because He knows and He wants us to know, that HE is the only thing that can truly fill us up. Beth Moore, in her video session this week, stuffed a glass vase full of things that we fill our lives with (men, money, cell phone, sports, activity stuff, a baby, etc etc). That vase looked pretty full. It seemed to be stuffed. Didn't look like you could fit anything else in there. Then she poured water in the vase and you could clearly see all those empty spaces, and now they were full. A little scripture...John 4, I won't give you the whole story, because I think you should go read it, but here's a verse, John 4:10 "Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” Friends, our jars cannot be full without God. We may truly believe they're full, we may truly believe we have all we need, that we're happy and that we're "fine" without God.
It's entirely possible to go through your entire life, be on your death bed, believe that you have been "fine" and die without knowing or having known Jesus. Frankly, this just makes me sad. Because now that I know...now that I see...I know how so not fine I was before! I know how empty I truly was. I know how empty people that don't believe really are, and they may not even realize it. Now that I know...I can't even imagine my life without God. The empty spaces. The desperate wanting and seeking for something to fill them up. My heart, my life...has been changed. Truly transformed by knowing Jesus. He has given me living water and I can't get enough. I'm not saying I don't have times of feeling empty. I feel loss, I feel guilt, I feel lonely, I feel sad and I have longings in my heart. The cost of following Jesus is not easy and it will not be easy...and it will be really hard when I do finally tell my family, it's really hard now. But I know that God...is the only One that can fill all of those empty spaces, that can heal all of my brokenness. He came to bind up the brokenhearted. I can tell you that I was NOT fine before I knew Him.
Following Jesus comes at a cost and there are sacrifices to be made. It's hard to let go and let God do His work in us. I'm still learning, still failing, but still desperately want to follow Him and live in His will. I know that His will won't always match up with mine. I know that I have to TRUST Him. Completely. With everything. With everyone. Hold nothing back. If I will let Him...He will fill my jar, over and over and over. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. If I let Him. It's hard to let go and not be in control. But I know that His ways and His timing are perfect. So, one thing, one person, one empty space at a time, I'm learning and trying to trust, to let go and to let Him fill my jar of life. Only He can. Only He is meant to.
God I thank you for opening my eyes to your truth. I know that not everyone knows You. I know that there are many people walking around this earth either thinking they're fine without You, or they're seeking for something or someone or many things or many someone's that can fill up the empty spaces. I know now that You are the One, the ONLY One, that can fill up our jars. I know and I am blessed to know, that you are the living water and that I can have as much as I want, and never be thirsty again. Jesus, You are THE Way, THE Truth, and THE Life. I cannot imagine my life without You and I know I wasn't truly living until I knew You. I know that following You is hard...and there are times I want to push the "unfollow" button for just a time...so that I can be in control of something, someone, myself. But I truly know and believe that, having done this so many times already, that I have no business trying to fill my own jar. I may think I know what I need to fill up my jar and Lord you know how often I've tried and been wrong. You've allowed me to "unfollow" you...because You gave me free will. Jesus, I want to follow You and never push that button again. We both know on my own I'll fail. But we also both know that through You, all things are possible. Please fill my jar of life today, and every day. Remind me through Your Word, through prayer, through my Godly relationships and through my relationship with You that You gave me life and everything that I have and that I am is from You...help me to live in Your will, and to let you fill my jar! I pray in the name of Jesus! Amen.
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