Sheep or Shepherd?

I know at some point, someone is going to read my blog...or hear about my beliefs that contradict how I was raised...and will question whether or not I was "talked into" this change of heart by close friends.  They'll somehow think I was "sucked in" or "swayed" or that I just wanted to be a sheep and follow the herd.

I'll admit that I went through periods of my life where I wanted to fit in and be liked by my peers and be friends with the "cool" kids and so I would sometimes try to be what/who I thought I needed to be to fit in.  But for the most part, I've always been a "go against the grain" kind of person.  I never got sucked into fashion fads, I never "had" to have what everyone else had....and I certainly never let all the people in my life who have tried to convince me to believe in this political party or that religion - and there have been many who have tried - sway me.  I'm stubborn - with a capital "S."

This whole journey, while maybe sparked by conversations with my best friend, has been completely my own soul searching, fact finding mission to figure out who I am and what I believe and why I should or shouldn't believe what I was raised to be.  I've always been one to "look things up" or research to find out stuff - rather than to just believe what I hear.  I've often had views that were unpopular with the people around me - and I've often had to defend myself and stick to my guns about those views.  I want to feel confident in what I'm saying so I don't just spout stuff out without something to back up what I say or how I feel.  Maybe I should have been a lawyer.  EWWW - no way.

Anyway, I didn't come to believe in Jesus, and certainly didn't start looking into this whole thing...to be a sheep.  If anything, I could have just stayed a sheep in Judaism and never questioned anything and just followed along with what I was raised to believe.  That actually would have been the easier road to take, for the record.

Here I am though, going against the grain, trying to be a Shepherd, not a sheep (at least to people...because I know that I am a sheep of God).  Trying to figure out my own way without letting people on either side of this influence me in one direction or another.  Granted, I haven't really given my family and Jewish friends the opportunity yet to try to "talk me out" of this because I've been too much of a coward to tell them.  But I guarantee you, while I will always listen to and respect others opinions and I'll always have an open mind...the only one that can sway me or change my heart is God - and He already has.  Once truth is known, it's hard to turn back from that truth...even when believing it and following it can lead to a lot of turmoil...