So, I still haven't told my family and/or Jewish friends about my faith. I also still haven't FULLY accepted the gift of salvation that Jesus has freely given to all of us. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a swimming pool...and I'll dip my foot in, occasionally sit and put both legs in...but just can't...or won't...jump in. I want to and I know if I do it will be awesome, but I'm holding on, holding out. Why? I've been searching my heart for the answer this week. I'm not sure I have "the" answer but I have some ideas...
I read an amazing book called "Betrayed!" by Stan Telchin...this is the overview on the Barnes and Noble website:
"How can you be Jewish and believe in Jesus?"
The Telchins were a happy, close-knit Jewish family until the day their daughter called from college with a shocking revelation: She had become a Christian. Judy's decision prompted her father to set out to disprove the Messiahship of Jesus in order to win her back. To do so, he had to study the Bible for the first time in his life.
In the face of increasingly convincing proofs that Jesus is who He claimed to be, Stan Telchin found himself confronting thousands of years' worth of misunderstanding, hurt and prejudice from both sides. The key question that surfaced was this: How can a Jewish person embrace Jesus and Christianity without turning his back on his own people?
More than thirty years after coming to know Jesus as Messiah, Stan Telchin reflects a passion to celebrate the heritage and culture of the Jewish people while seeking to unite Jews and Gentiles under the love of Messiah Jesus.
So, I think this is one of the reasons that I'm standing on the edge. I don't want to turn my back on my family, on my fellow Jews...on MY Judaism. I'm proud of my heritage, proud to be Jewish. At the same time, I find myself upset with my people for turning their backs on Jesus. He was even rejected by His own family - at least until His Resurrection where they finally saw that He was who He said He was. But alive on earth He felt the rejection of many - I can only imagine how hard that must have been. But, of course, He followed God the Father - He stayed faithful to God and didn't let the rejection get to Him, change His obedience or direction. He jumped in the pool and never looked back, never doubted, never wavered. In "Betrayed!" - the Telchin family also faced a lot of rejection from family and friends and strangers once it was "out" that they believed in Jesus as the Messiah. Like Stan Telchin, I started my journey by researching and looking into why the Jews rejected Jesus...and was out to prove that it couldn't be true. Like Stan Telchin, my mission backfired. He fought it, I fight it. But, the Telchin's followed God, they jumped in the pool and never looked back - at least if they did, they turned right back around and kept moving forward.
There's not a doubt in my mind that I WANT to do the same thing. I want to follow God, I want to praise and worship Jesus as MY Messiah...loud and proud. But I don't want to lose anyone in the process. I love my family - I have 5 amazing nephews and a niece that I adore. I can't fathom the thought of not being involved in their lives because their parents, my siblings, think I'm crazy and I've turned my back on them. It tears me up inside. I have cousins and aunts and uncles and friends that I love and my mom - I can't bear the thought of disappointing her. I know that following God comes at a cost...and it could be a HUGE cost. I know that I need to focus on the eternal, not the temporal perspective. I know that it's not about ME, it's about HIM. I know that my reward in Heaven is great - He tells me so. I know that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. I KNOW that the New Testament is the TRUTH, it's the rest of the story. It was prophesied long before Jesus ever walked the face of the earth. There is no doubt in my mind that Jesus IS the Messiah that the Jews are still waiting for. But my heart...is broken in a hundred pieces over the thought of losing the people I love.
I went to a Sunday school class after church the other day and there was one question that the leader asked that led me to break my awkward silence and speak up. The question was whether or not there's a difference between "conversion" and "salvation." I said that I think there is a difference. I said that I'm Jewish, and that I'd like to think that I don't have to "convert" to Christianity to have salvation. The words just blurted forth like they had been pent up in a jar for years. The more I've thought about what I said, the more I've realized that this is part of my hang up. I don't want to lose my Jewish identity, just as much as I don't want to lose my family. It seems so silly to think that I have to give up being a Jew when Jesus was born a Jew, came for the Jews, died a Jew, all the New Testament writers except for Luke were Jews, and the first people to accept and follow Jesus as the Messiah were Jews!!! The Christians, the gentiles, they were grafted in - and I fully believe that Jesus came for them too and in no way, shape or form do I feel inferior to Gentile believers. I feel that the body of Christ is anyone, Jew, Gentile, Muslim, black, white, or anyone else anywhere in the world who believes and follows Jesus as their Messiah.
I'm a Jewish believer in Jesus as the Messiah. I want to fully accept the gift that He has given the world, for me, personally, as much as for anyone else. I don't want to let fear of what other people will think of me keep me from experiencing fully the love, grace and mercy that He offers. I want to give my fears and anxieties and hang ups to God, who wants to take it from me as much as I want to give it to Him. Right now I'm still stuck in limbo because as much as I want to do these things, I continue to let fear keep me on the edge of the pool, afraid to jump in all the way.
God I pray that You will show me the way from limbo to love, from fear to faith, from heartbreak to true joy. I feel that I'm just right there on the edge, wanting to give my life to You and for You. Thank You God for being patient with me, for loving me right where I am and for showing me through your Word, through books I read, and through my relationships with other believers that You are the ONE true God who is worth the cost. I pray that you will soften the hearts of my family and friends so they will not reject me for my beliefs...but more than that I pray that You will strengthen my heart to withstand it if and when it comes. In Jesus' holy name I pray. Amen.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Romans, Remnants and a new Revelation for Rachel!
A few weeks ago, at my bible study, we all were telling each other how the others could pray for us in the coming week. I asked for something that I've been praying for now for months, that I could meet another Jewish believer who would truly understand what I'm going through in my faith journey and my "rub" over telling my family and Jewish friends about it. WOW is God faithfull in amazing ways! Here's what happened...
One of the girls in my study was at another bible study at her Church the following week, and the speaker was (are you sitting down?) a JEWISH woman who is a believer! She went up to this woman after the study, told her about me, and before she could complete her sentence, the woman was writing down her contact information for my friend to give me!!!! We exchanged emails, and I met with her the other day! Turns out we have very similar backgrounds, raised in Conservative Jewish synagogues, having Bat Mitzvah's, marrying non-Jewish men. Much of what she told me about her life so resonated with me, down to the way we perceived the Syngagogue experience, prayer, etc. She's been on her journey for about 15 years and she has told her family. It hasn't been pretty, but sounds about like I think it will be with my family...no one disowning her, but definite disappointment and very superficial relationships with them...and lots of tension. It's sad, for sure...but she totally gets it, understands fully what I'm going through and what I'm facing. But wait, there's more!
This amazing woman actually has been called by God to teach and enlighten the Gentile church about God's call on Israel and the Jewish people. She's not just a Jewish believer, she's a teacher trying to show the connections between Jew and Gentile and how we're ALL part of God's plan. She told me about Romans Chapters 9-11, which I know I've read at least 3 times now, but clearly didn't understand what I was reading! After she explained it to me, I went back and read it again, and OH MY GOODNESS! WOW. I know I will absolutely not do this justice and I apologize if I'm misunderstanding or misinterpreting what she was telling me and what I'm reading of Paul's letter to the Romans, but I'm going to try because it's so incredibly important to my journey...and to the journey of ALL believers, whether Jew or Gentile. I've always thought that it was the Jews that turned their backs on God in disobedience and the reason they don't see or understand the truth I've come to know was because they were blind to it...and that is true, but they are blind to it because they have been blinded to it by God (and yes, because of their disobedience)..."A partial hardening has happened to Israel until the full number of the Gentiles has come in..." (Romans 11:25, NET). It's all part of His plan. I urge you to read these chapters of Romans and see for yourself the plan that God has for us all. Meanwhile, there's even more for me...
"And Isaiah cries out on behalf of Israel, 'Though the number of the children of Israel are as the sand of the sea, only the remnant will be saved' (Romans 9:27). I'm a remnant. I've been saved by grace. The Jewish people will not see and know the truth until the time that God chooses to reveal it to them, until the full number of the Gentiles has come to believe. But along the way, God will choose to reveal His truth to some of the Jewish people. I think He knows which ones will have the heart and the open-mind to receive this truth, and I think He knew that I would be one of those people. I don't know why me and maybe I'll never really know...but that is my new focus. To figure out why He revealed His truth to me, and to figure out what His will is for me, however long that takes.
Well, I have to tell you...I left my new friend the other day feeling pretty overwhelmed and scared. I felt I think like Jonah when God asked him to go to Nineveh...I wanted to just run away and hide in Tarshish, or maybe Tahiti or somewhere, anywhere but where I might be headed. This is going to be a rough road, it has been already. But...running away isn't going to get me anywhere, and certainly won't get me where God wants me to be. I don't want to disobey God. I want to follow Him, I want to know His plan for me. And with His help, I want to live out my life according to His plan and purpose for me. He promises me in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has plans to prosper me, not to harm me...to give me a future filled with hope (NET).
So, this is my revelation...that I'm a remnant. I don't belong because I'm not supposed to belong. That the Jews and the Gentiles WILL see a time of harmony, true harmony and where we will ALL see God, see His truth and have the eternal life He promised us all. It started with the Jews, it will end with the Jews, but only after the full number of Gentiles have come in. God's promise is being fulfilled, right now, and I'm a part of that as a Jewish believer. And you are a part of that, as a Jew, as a Gentile, as a non-believer. We are ALL part of God's plan, we're all His children. Look, listen, and follow the path He has laid out for you. Believe. Hope. Have faith. I think I'm starting to have all these things. It's a process and some days are easier than others. This is my journey. Come along with me for the ride!!
Thank you God for answering my prayer in such a powerful, personal way this week. You are so faithful and I am so humbled that You would choose to reveal Your truth to me. I pray that You will give me the eyes to see, the mind to know and the heart to understand what your plan is for me and that You will give me the courage and the strength and the wisdom to follow the path You lay before me. In Jesus' name. Amen.
One of the girls in my study was at another bible study at her Church the following week, and the speaker was (are you sitting down?) a JEWISH woman who is a believer! She went up to this woman after the study, told her about me, and before she could complete her sentence, the woman was writing down her contact information for my friend to give me!!!! We exchanged emails, and I met with her the other day! Turns out we have very similar backgrounds, raised in Conservative Jewish synagogues, having Bat Mitzvah's, marrying non-Jewish men. Much of what she told me about her life so resonated with me, down to the way we perceived the Syngagogue experience, prayer, etc. She's been on her journey for about 15 years and she has told her family. It hasn't been pretty, but sounds about like I think it will be with my family...no one disowning her, but definite disappointment and very superficial relationships with them...and lots of tension. It's sad, for sure...but she totally gets it, understands fully what I'm going through and what I'm facing. But wait, there's more!
This amazing woman actually has been called by God to teach and enlighten the Gentile church about God's call on Israel and the Jewish people. She's not just a Jewish believer, she's a teacher trying to show the connections between Jew and Gentile and how we're ALL part of God's plan. She told me about Romans Chapters 9-11, which I know I've read at least 3 times now, but clearly didn't understand what I was reading! After she explained it to me, I went back and read it again, and OH MY GOODNESS! WOW. I know I will absolutely not do this justice and I apologize if I'm misunderstanding or misinterpreting what she was telling me and what I'm reading of Paul's letter to the Romans, but I'm going to try because it's so incredibly important to my journey...and to the journey of ALL believers, whether Jew or Gentile. I've always thought that it was the Jews that turned their backs on God in disobedience and the reason they don't see or understand the truth I've come to know was because they were blind to it...and that is true, but they are blind to it because they have been blinded to it by God (and yes, because of their disobedience)..."A partial hardening has happened to Israel until the full number of the Gentiles has come in..." (Romans 11:25, NET). It's all part of His plan. I urge you to read these chapters of Romans and see for yourself the plan that God has for us all. Meanwhile, there's even more for me...
"And Isaiah cries out on behalf of Israel, 'Though the number of the children of Israel are as the sand of the sea, only the remnant will be saved' (Romans 9:27). I'm a remnant. I've been saved by grace. The Jewish people will not see and know the truth until the time that God chooses to reveal it to them, until the full number of the Gentiles has come to believe. But along the way, God will choose to reveal His truth to some of the Jewish people. I think He knows which ones will have the heart and the open-mind to receive this truth, and I think He knew that I would be one of those people. I don't know why me and maybe I'll never really know...but that is my new focus. To figure out why He revealed His truth to me, and to figure out what His will is for me, however long that takes.
Well, I have to tell you...I left my new friend the other day feeling pretty overwhelmed and scared. I felt I think like Jonah when God asked him to go to Nineveh...I wanted to just run away and hide in Tarshish, or maybe Tahiti or somewhere, anywhere but where I might be headed. This is going to be a rough road, it has been already. But...running away isn't going to get me anywhere, and certainly won't get me where God wants me to be. I don't want to disobey God. I want to follow Him, I want to know His plan for me. And with His help, I want to live out my life according to His plan and purpose for me. He promises me in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has plans to prosper me, not to harm me...to give me a future filled with hope (NET).
So, this is my revelation...that I'm a remnant. I don't belong because I'm not supposed to belong. That the Jews and the Gentiles WILL see a time of harmony, true harmony and where we will ALL see God, see His truth and have the eternal life He promised us all. It started with the Jews, it will end with the Jews, but only after the full number of Gentiles have come in. God's promise is being fulfilled, right now, and I'm a part of that as a Jewish believer. And you are a part of that, as a Jew, as a Gentile, as a non-believer. We are ALL part of God's plan, we're all His children. Look, listen, and follow the path He has laid out for you. Believe. Hope. Have faith. I think I'm starting to have all these things. It's a process and some days are easier than others. This is my journey. Come along with me for the ride!!
Thank you God for answering my prayer in such a powerful, personal way this week. You are so faithful and I am so humbled that You would choose to reveal Your truth to me. I pray that You will give me the eyes to see, the mind to know and the heart to understand what your plan is for me and that You will give me the courage and the strength and the wisdom to follow the path You lay before me. In Jesus' name. Amen.
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