Do you ever wonder why there are so many people who live in fear? I mean almost a constant state of fear, a paralyzing fear. There are some who refuse to leave their homes, some who prepare extravagant bunkers and stock them with food, weapons and everything they will think they will need in case of war. There have been people driven to fear of walking into a school or a movie theater or running in a marathon because people have gone in and gunned down or bombed innocent people doing ordinary things. It seems like fear has taken more and more of a grip on our world especially in recent years. It seems like the more bad things we see in the news, the more widespread fear becomes. The thing that has really been upsetting to me is that we have allowed fear to keep us from being kind. We are afraid to help people we see in need because we are afraid they might hurt us or worse. So we look the other way when we see a homeless person on the street begging. We zoom on by when we see a car stranded on the side of the road. We pretend we don't see the scraggly looking guy counting his change at the coffee shop to see if he can buy a "medium" this time. A desperate looking woman hauling a suitcase down her poor neighborhood road on a cold winter day doesn't get a second thought.
God tells us over and over and over again in His word that we are not to fear! Yet we do. Why? Do we have so little faith in Him that we allow fear to overwhelm what He has done and can do? When Jesus called Peter out of the boat onto the water, Peter got right out and started to walk on the water, until he allowed his fear to overwhelm his faith, and then down he went (Ref Matthew 14). Many stories in the Bible remind us of those who had enough faith to not allow fear to overwhelm them. The only fear they had was the healthy fear of their God. Here are some reminders of those stories...
Abraham did not fear sacrificing his own son Isaac because of his faith and obedience (Ref: Genesis 22). David, who was small and weak, did not fear fighting a giant named Goliath because his faith was in God alone (Ref: 1 Samuel). Noah did not fear the mockery of the people for building the Ark that God asked him to build when there was no sign of rain (Ref: Genesis 5). Joseph did not fear when he was imprisoned in Egypt after being sold into slavery by his brothers (Ref: Genesis 37). Moses did not fear Pharaoh when he asked him over and over to let his people go, because he trusted God had a plan (Ref: Exodus 5-11). Paul did not fear being imprisoned and beaten for sharing his faith (Ref: Acts 16). Jesus did not fear death on a cross, taking on the sins of the world...because He KNEW He would be resurrected and He trusted His Father (Ref Mark 15).
I am learning that truly having faith in God leaves little room for fear. Allowing fear to keep us from doing all that God has planned for our lives, to keep us from being obedient to His will and His voice...it's the same as showing God and others that we really do not have the faith we claim to have. This is not to say that we shouldn't be smart and prudent. The Bible also warns us to be alert. It warns us that the devil prowls around looking for someone to devour (Ref 1 Peter 5). I also should note that there are those with mental illness who have anxiety and fears that are difficult to overcome. We should pray for those who are unable to choose faith over fear and they can and should seek professional counseling and sometimes medication to work through these very real issues. But most of us do have a choice. We can allow fear to keep us from being who we were created to be, or we can allow our faith to show the world that we are set apart to be God's Holy people. That we who follow Jesus do more than just bow down to a God that cannot be seen and cannot be heard. That our faith is so strong that we are willing to lay down our lives like so many before us have in order that more may be saved. That is what we are called to do. This is why a Jewish man named Saul so radically changed his life and spent the rest of it preaching about Jesus to as many people as he could without fear, despite all of the harm, oppression, imprisonment and eventual brutal death he faced in doing so. Most of us will never have to face the kind of persecution Paul and so many other Christ followers have had to face. Most of us only need to look into the eyes of a homeless man on the street, ask his name, give him a blanket or a meal, pray for him...or stop to help a stranded woman on the side of the road...or buy the man scrounging change together at the coffee shop a hot meal and a large coffee...or giving a desperate looking girl walking down the middle of the street with a suitcase in the cold a ride to a better life. Some may think we are crazy, putting ourselves in danger, thinking we are being selfish for putting ourselves or others in possible harms way. But Jesus says we are to treat our neighbors as ourselves. We are to pray for those who persecute us. That if someone slaps us on the cheek, we are to turn and offer them the other cheek. That we are NOT TO FEAR. Even David, before Jesus walked the earth, realized that if he could trust in God to keep His promises, then what could mere mortals do to him (Ref Psalm 56)? As Paul says in his letter to the Philippians, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Ref Phil 1:21 NIV). As I am learning to lay aside my fears and trust God, I'm realizing more and more what Paul meant by that statement. Living for Christ on this earth and following His example is what I want to do and if I die doing that, then I gain eternity with Him. So what do I have to lose? What do I have to fear? In the words of Martin Luther King Jr, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself."
Lord I thank you for opening my eyes over the past few weeks to see people in need and allowing me to put fear aside to help them in some small way. I know others have seen my actions as dangerous or crazy and some have seen them as ways to call attention to myself. I pray you will help to keep my eyes open, my heart humble, my attitude sincere. I pray that You will continue to show me the ways that You would use me to be Your hands and feet in my community. I pray that You would open the eyes of others, those who believe in You and those who do not. That You would show them that You are true to Your word, that You keep Your promises, that having faith in You alone means that they do not need to fear. I pray that You will show the world what it means to treat their neighbor as themselves by working in the hearts of one believer at a time and allowing others to see faith and light without fear in action. Thank You for working in me and helping me to overcome my own fears so that I may participate in Your restoration story. Thank You Jesus for showing me love and mercy and grace, leading by example so I can show those things to others. Amen.
Sunday, December 18, 2016
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
Does God Heal???
This was the topic of the Alpha class at church last week. The question really was does God still heal today? We know that when Jesus walked the earth, He healed. There are several eye witness accounts in the Gospels of Jesus healing the sick, causing the blind to see, raising people from the dead (including Himself, of course). Just to refresh the memory of those who have already read the New Testament and to give those that haven't some really cool references, here's a couple of examples of Jesus' healing:
1 As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. 2 “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?”
3 “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him. 4 We must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent us.[a] The night is coming, and then no one can work. 5 But while I am here in the world, I am the light of the world.”
6 Then he spit on the ground, made mud with the saliva, and spread the mud over the blind man’s eyes. 7 He told him, “Go wash yourself in the pool of Siloam” (Siloam means “sent”). So the man went and washed and came back seeing! John 9:1-7, NLT
25 A woman in the crowd had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding. 26 She had suffered a great deal from many doctors, and over the years she had spent everything she had to pay them, but she had gotten no better. In fact, she had gotten worse. 27 She had heard about Jesus, so she came up behind him through the crowd and touched his robe. 28 For she thought to herself, “If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed.” 29 Immediately the bleeding stopped, and she could feel in her body that she had been healed of her terrible condition.
30 Jesus realized at once that healing power had gone out from him, so he turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my robe?” Mark 5:25-20, NLT
11 Soon afterward Jesus went with his disciples to the village of Nain, and a large crowd followed him. 12 A funeral procession was coming out as he approached the village gate. The young man who had died was a widow’s only son, and a large crowd from the village was with her. 13 When the Lord saw her, his heart overflowed with compassion. “Don’t cry!” he said. 14 Then he walked over to the coffin and touched it, and the bearers stopped. “Young man,” he said, “I tell you, get up.” 15 Then the dead boy sat up and began to talk! And Jesus gave him back to his mother. Luke 7:11-15, NLT
30 A vast crowd brought to him people who were lame, blind, crippled, those who couldn’t speak, and many others. They laid them before Jesus, and he healed them all. Matthew 15:30, NLT
Ok so there's a lot of evidence that Jesus healed in the past, when he was living as a human. What about now? In the Alpha video we watched, we heard several testimonies from people of different backgrounds who say God has healed them...from addictions, from evil behavior, from illness. The healing they experienced changed their lives. Maybe you know someone who was healed and they swear it was God who healed them. Maybe you know someone who prayed for healing but did not receive healing. No one can understand God's ways for they are so much higher than our ways. But I believe He does still heal today, even with all of the illness, disease, death and destruction going on in the world. I know this not just because I believe in Jesus of the Bible. I know this, because I actually have experienced it myself. I have eluded to some emotional healing that I have experienced, which I have and it's been awesome, but hard to "prove" really in a tangible way. But, I have a story that I didn't realize maybe how powerful it was until after the Alpha class last week when the Pastor asked if any of us had been healed. I want to share it, because for one thing, it is awesome and amazing and for another thing, I believe it can bring hope to others (the 1 or 2 of you who read this blog, anyway).
About 7 1/2 years ago, I was towards the end of my 1st year of nursing school. I had experienced some right hip and low back pain and my doctor ordered a low back x-ray. On the x-ray, they saw something that didn't belong. She ordered an MRI to investigate further. I was told I had some type of tumor in my retro peritoneal cavity (this is an area that's outside the abdominal organs). I was told that I would need to have surgery to determine whether it was malignant or benign and then next steps. Not really part of the low back / right hip pain situation but something a little extra that needed to be dealt with. It's like when you bring your car in for an oil change and they tell you that you need something else done that will cost about a million dollars and take a week to fix. Anyway, I decided to wait until summer for the surgery because I couldn't miss out on nursing school. I was in pre-op and got my IV put in and was waiting for the surgeon to come in. At my initial office visit with her, she thought they would just look laproscopically (a few poke holes in my abdomen) and may not need to cut me open. However, after reviewing the MRI again prior to surgery, she came in to talk to me with a worried look on her face. My husband and a very good friend from school were with me and she told me that after reviewing the MRI, she realized that this was a much larger tumor than she initially thought. She referred to it as a "kickball" size. She consulted with another surgeon who agreed and she had asked this surgeon to accompany her in the operating room because this was going to be a much more complicated surgery now. She told me that they would give me an epidural in the OR to help with pain management afterwards because they were going to have to make a very large vertical incision down the middle of my abdomen. The only thing I was really concerned about was that I had to be healed in time for my 2nd year of nursing school and that if I was going to have that type of incision, I wouldn't be. Then I wouldn't be able to do clinicals and if I couldn't do clinicals then I couldn't finish nursing school (at least not as scheduled). The surgeon said they would poke the holes and insert the camera first to see what they were dealing with, then make the long incision so they could carefully remove the tumor. I just looked at her, tried to be calm and said "you gotta do what you gotta do." Then my friend, who is a Christian, laid her hand on my abdomen, closed her eyes, and prayed very seriously that this tumor would end up being just a small little nothing and that they wouldn't have to cut me open. I just remember looking at her and saying out loud, "girl, it is what it is, they saw it on the MRI." I was grateful that she prayed for me, but I didn't believe for one second that this kickball sized tumor would suddenly shrink and be nothing by the time they looked inside. I did believe in God back then but didn't believe in Jesus yet. I totally thought she was crazy for praying for that. I remember this like it was yesterday. Fast forward to the recovery room. I slowly start to wake up and am fully expecting to be in a lot of pain and have this huge incision and not be able to finish nursing school that year...and the nurse looked at me and realizing I was waking up, he said "you are not going to believe this." He told me that the surgeons went in to look with the camera, they saw a "baseball sized" tumor, one of the instruments poked it, and it burst - it was a cyst that they were able to vacuum out with their instruments and they never had to cut me open. He said that the surgeons looked at each other in amazement and literally high fived each other right there in the operating room. They could not believe what they saw!! I went for my 2 week follow up to see the surgeon and she walked in the room and says "how's my miracle patient?" She even gave me a picture of my baseball sized cyst.
I truly didn't get the enormity of this situation until a few years later when I had become a believer and I was standing in my kitchen and it hit me that my friends prayer...was exactly what happened. God healed me. She really believed what she was praying for. God heard. He healed. I was able to finish nursing school and about 2 months into that 2nd year, my husband lost his job. He was able to keep insurance through the extended and affordable COBRA program thanks to President Obama signing a bill for those who had been laid off that year. His insurance literally carried us through until I graduated, got a job and got health insurance through my work. It was meant to be for me to finish nursing school that year. God had a plan and a purpose. I'm in awe that the God that created the universe and everything in it would actually care so intimately about me that He would reduce this "kickball sized" tumor to a "baseball sized" cyst so that I could finish nursing school and do the job that I truly believe He ordained for me. So to answer the question "Does God Heal???" I say YES. I know that there are many people that He doesn't heal. And I know that it's so hard to understand that. I believe that we are all healed eventually, either on this side or on the other side. I believe that He is WITH us through all of the pain and suffering we endure on this side of eternity. I believe that we can lead others to Christ in the way we endure through the many trials that we are put through on this earth, not that we are enduring on our own, but through the healing power of God who dwells in us and is ALWAYS with us. He who Himself came to earth and suffered as we do so He truly understands what it's like. He doesn't want us to suffer, He doesn't like it when we are in pain or sick. His plan is total restoration and we are a part of that plan. I'm beyond blessed that I get to be a nurse so I can help to heal others and that I get to be part of His restoration plan.
Lord I thank you for the gift of healing. You heal hearts, minds, spirits and bodies. You heal in Your ways, in Your time and we don't always understand why or how or when. It is not our job to understand. It's our job to trust and to believe and to have faith in Your ultimate sovereignty. It is our job to show the world that we respond in a different way to suffering, death and destruction because our hope is in You and not in this life. We have an eternal perspective and we KNOW that we will live with YOU forever in harmony and in perfect peace, despite what this world throws our way. That belief is how we make it through. Thank you Jesus for showing us the way, the truth and the life. Amen.
1 As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. 2 “Rabbi,” his disciples asked him, “why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?”
3 “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus answered. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him. 4 We must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent us.[a] The night is coming, and then no one can work. 5 But while I am here in the world, I am the light of the world.”
6 Then he spit on the ground, made mud with the saliva, and spread the mud over the blind man’s eyes. 7 He told him, “Go wash yourself in the pool of Siloam” (Siloam means “sent”). So the man went and washed and came back seeing! John 9:1-7, NLT
25 A woman in the crowd had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding. 26 She had suffered a great deal from many doctors, and over the years she had spent everything she had to pay them, but she had gotten no better. In fact, she had gotten worse. 27 She had heard about Jesus, so she came up behind him through the crowd and touched his robe. 28 For she thought to herself, “If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed.” 29 Immediately the bleeding stopped, and she could feel in her body that she had been healed of her terrible condition.
30 Jesus realized at once that healing power had gone out from him, so he turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my robe?” Mark 5:25-20, NLT
11 Soon afterward Jesus went with his disciples to the village of Nain, and a large crowd followed him. 12 A funeral procession was coming out as he approached the village gate. The young man who had died was a widow’s only son, and a large crowd from the village was with her. 13 When the Lord saw her, his heart overflowed with compassion. “Don’t cry!” he said. 14 Then he walked over to the coffin and touched it, and the bearers stopped. “Young man,” he said, “I tell you, get up.” 15 Then the dead boy sat up and began to talk! And Jesus gave him back to his mother. Luke 7:11-15, NLT
30 A vast crowd brought to him people who were lame, blind, crippled, those who couldn’t speak, and many others. They laid them before Jesus, and he healed them all. Matthew 15:30, NLT
Ok so there's a lot of evidence that Jesus healed in the past, when he was living as a human. What about now? In the Alpha video we watched, we heard several testimonies from people of different backgrounds who say God has healed them...from addictions, from evil behavior, from illness. The healing they experienced changed their lives. Maybe you know someone who was healed and they swear it was God who healed them. Maybe you know someone who prayed for healing but did not receive healing. No one can understand God's ways for they are so much higher than our ways. But I believe He does still heal today, even with all of the illness, disease, death and destruction going on in the world. I know this not just because I believe in Jesus of the Bible. I know this, because I actually have experienced it myself. I have eluded to some emotional healing that I have experienced, which I have and it's been awesome, but hard to "prove" really in a tangible way. But, I have a story that I didn't realize maybe how powerful it was until after the Alpha class last week when the Pastor asked if any of us had been healed. I want to share it, because for one thing, it is awesome and amazing and for another thing, I believe it can bring hope to others (the 1 or 2 of you who read this blog, anyway).
About 7 1/2 years ago, I was towards the end of my 1st year of nursing school. I had experienced some right hip and low back pain and my doctor ordered a low back x-ray. On the x-ray, they saw something that didn't belong. She ordered an MRI to investigate further. I was told I had some type of tumor in my retro peritoneal cavity (this is an area that's outside the abdominal organs). I was told that I would need to have surgery to determine whether it was malignant or benign and then next steps. Not really part of the low back / right hip pain situation but something a little extra that needed to be dealt with. It's like when you bring your car in for an oil change and they tell you that you need something else done that will cost about a million dollars and take a week to fix. Anyway, I decided to wait until summer for the surgery because I couldn't miss out on nursing school. I was in pre-op and got my IV put in and was waiting for the surgeon to come in. At my initial office visit with her, she thought they would just look laproscopically (a few poke holes in my abdomen) and may not need to cut me open. However, after reviewing the MRI again prior to surgery, she came in to talk to me with a worried look on her face. My husband and a very good friend from school were with me and she told me that after reviewing the MRI, she realized that this was a much larger tumor than she initially thought. She referred to it as a "kickball" size. She consulted with another surgeon who agreed and she had asked this surgeon to accompany her in the operating room because this was going to be a much more complicated surgery now. She told me that they would give me an epidural in the OR to help with pain management afterwards because they were going to have to make a very large vertical incision down the middle of my abdomen. The only thing I was really concerned about was that I had to be healed in time for my 2nd year of nursing school and that if I was going to have that type of incision, I wouldn't be. Then I wouldn't be able to do clinicals and if I couldn't do clinicals then I couldn't finish nursing school (at least not as scheduled). The surgeon said they would poke the holes and insert the camera first to see what they were dealing with, then make the long incision so they could carefully remove the tumor. I just looked at her, tried to be calm and said "you gotta do what you gotta do." Then my friend, who is a Christian, laid her hand on my abdomen, closed her eyes, and prayed very seriously that this tumor would end up being just a small little nothing and that they wouldn't have to cut me open. I just remember looking at her and saying out loud, "girl, it is what it is, they saw it on the MRI." I was grateful that she prayed for me, but I didn't believe for one second that this kickball sized tumor would suddenly shrink and be nothing by the time they looked inside. I did believe in God back then but didn't believe in Jesus yet. I totally thought she was crazy for praying for that. I remember this like it was yesterday. Fast forward to the recovery room. I slowly start to wake up and am fully expecting to be in a lot of pain and have this huge incision and not be able to finish nursing school that year...and the nurse looked at me and realizing I was waking up, he said "you are not going to believe this." He told me that the surgeons went in to look with the camera, they saw a "baseball sized" tumor, one of the instruments poked it, and it burst - it was a cyst that they were able to vacuum out with their instruments and they never had to cut me open. He said that the surgeons looked at each other in amazement and literally high fived each other right there in the operating room. They could not believe what they saw!! I went for my 2 week follow up to see the surgeon and she walked in the room and says "how's my miracle patient?" She even gave me a picture of my baseball sized cyst.
I truly didn't get the enormity of this situation until a few years later when I had become a believer and I was standing in my kitchen and it hit me that my friends prayer...was exactly what happened. God healed me. She really believed what she was praying for. God heard. He healed. I was able to finish nursing school and about 2 months into that 2nd year, my husband lost his job. He was able to keep insurance through the extended and affordable COBRA program thanks to President Obama signing a bill for those who had been laid off that year. His insurance literally carried us through until I graduated, got a job and got health insurance through my work. It was meant to be for me to finish nursing school that year. God had a plan and a purpose. I'm in awe that the God that created the universe and everything in it would actually care so intimately about me that He would reduce this "kickball sized" tumor to a "baseball sized" cyst so that I could finish nursing school and do the job that I truly believe He ordained for me. So to answer the question "Does God Heal???" I say YES. I know that there are many people that He doesn't heal. And I know that it's so hard to understand that. I believe that we are all healed eventually, either on this side or on the other side. I believe that He is WITH us through all of the pain and suffering we endure on this side of eternity. I believe that we can lead others to Christ in the way we endure through the many trials that we are put through on this earth, not that we are enduring on our own, but through the healing power of God who dwells in us and is ALWAYS with us. He who Himself came to earth and suffered as we do so He truly understands what it's like. He doesn't want us to suffer, He doesn't like it when we are in pain or sick. His plan is total restoration and we are a part of that plan. I'm beyond blessed that I get to be a nurse so I can help to heal others and that I get to be part of His restoration plan.
Lord I thank you for the gift of healing. You heal hearts, minds, spirits and bodies. You heal in Your ways, in Your time and we don't always understand why or how or when. It is not our job to understand. It's our job to trust and to believe and to have faith in Your ultimate sovereignty. It is our job to show the world that we respond in a different way to suffering, death and destruction because our hope is in You and not in this life. We have an eternal perspective and we KNOW that we will live with YOU forever in harmony and in perfect peace, despite what this world throws our way. That belief is how we make it through. Thank you Jesus for showing us the way, the truth and the life. Amen.
Sunday, October 30, 2016
The Trinity
This concept of the Trinity has been on my heart for a while. I keep getting these little reinforcements from God that it's something I should be writing about. So...here I go. No real clue where this will go but then again, most of my posts start out with something on my heart and then I just start typing and see where the Spirit takes me.
Growing up Jewish, one of the most frequently recited prayers, if not THE most frequently recited, is the Shema, which can be found in Deuteronomy 6:4. In Hebrew, it is "Shema Yisroel Adonoi Eloheinu Adonoi Echad" which in English means "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one." The idea of the LORD being ONE is the premise of the rejection by most of the Jewish people of the "Trinity" because if God is ONE, then how can God be THREE? I know I have referenced this in one of my very first posts, but in Genesis 1:26, God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us." So, it's a little confusing. Is God ONE or is God THREE? The answer (drum roll please) is YES. Both are true. Ummm. How?
Ok, here goes my crazy mind, and I have no clue where this will go or if it will make any sense to anyone other than myself (chances are, it won't even make sense to myself). God is about love and about relationship. He made it clear that He wanted to create Man in His/Our image and He also made it very clear that Man needed Woman because Man alone or Man with just all the animals wasn't going to work. God made several attempts to "relate" to us humans, the ones He created in His image. He used angels, a burning bush, a cloud, a formless voice, prophets, signs and wonders...all to try to get us to understand who He is and what He wants us to do and how He wants us to be. The problem is/was that the people would believe it one minute, and forget about it the next. The communication was basically like this: God - "10 commandments, here they are, follow them." People - "Umm, this is good stuff but we don't think you get how hard this is to actually follow." God - "Follow them or suffer the consequences, not only you, but generations after you." People - "Yes, Lord, we will follow and do what you say" (they would for a while, then totally went crazy and stopped for a while, then things got really bad and would turn back to God and follow again...and over and over and over like this for a really long time). God - "I'm just kind of done with this nonsense, you people just aren't getting it." Pause (400 years of silence)...Then Jesus is born.
Jesus. The Son of God...and GOD. Huh? Confusing? Yep. Here's what happened. God humbled Himself to BECOME one of us so that we could have an actual person to see, touch, hear and observe. He literally took on the form of a human being, emptied Himself of His divinity, faced all of the temptations, emotions and atrocities that humans face...to give us a tangible way to understand Him, relate to Him, relate to God through Him and to teach us about LOVE/Relationship. He showed us the PERSON of God, who existed with God before the earth was created. I know, it sounds so crazy. But it makes complete sense. God was having a really hard time getting us to understand Him, and we kept turning our backs on Him and He just kept getting irritated with us because we just weren't getting it. We didn't get Him and He didn't get us. So He showed up in human form and experienced what we experienced so He could better understand us and so that we could better understand Him. It's seriously the coolest and most loving thing He could have ever done. He showed us the relationship that He had and that He wanted us to have with Him and with each other. But He couldn't just stay here forever, as a human. For one thing, all human beings do eventually die (reference the fall). For another thing, He also came to be a sacrifice so that we would be able to experience God the way He did. Jesus and God were like the ultimate BFF's. They were so tight, and God wanted us to be "tight" with Him as well. But we were/are total sinners and there is no way for us to be perfect no matter how hard we try, and in order for God to be able to handle this about us and for us to be able to still have a relationship with God, there had to be a sacrifice. If you want to read up all about sacrifice, check out Leviticus and you will find out exactly what you would have had to offer for a particular situation or circumstance in order for God to forgive you back in the day. In order for us to be made right with God, Jesus became the ultimate sacrifice for us. It was prophesied long before He walked the earth and it was the way for us to be reconciled to God, but when Jesus died, how would people in generations to come know and believe in God? The PERSON was dead, and even though He rose from the dead and was seen by several hundred people before ascending into Heaven to sit with God, we wouldn't see Him again for a REALLY long time (no one really knows when). Enter the Holy Spirit.
Ok we have God, we have Jesus (who is also God) and we have the Holy Spirit. What in the what? What does that even mean? Holy Spirit? Some kind of ghost? Like just randomly hanging around in and among us? How is this even remotely possible? This just sounds so wacky. Actually, there's a lot of mention of the "Spirit" in the Old Testament, so it shouldn't be a completely foreign concept when we get to the Jesus part of the story. The Spirit is mentioned so many times in the Old Testament, that it would be another long blog post to discuss. I'm going to add in a link to a website that will address the Spirit in the Old Testament far better than I could:
https://bible.org/seriespage/2-putting-pentecost-perspective-part-1-holy-spirit-old-testament-acts-21-13
Basically, the Holy Spirit is a promise from God (the Father and the Son). It's a promise that we will always have guidance, love, relationship and wisdom that lives in us and is with us, going before and following us everywhere and in everything. It's the way that we can actually become the people that God created us to be (remember, in HIS image). This is a free gift that we can take or reject. The Spirit is always working. When you are driving down the street and see a homeless man and feel this nudge to give him something, that's the Spirit. When you are praying to God to get rid of bitterness in your heart, it's the Spirit that makes that happen. When you feel "called" into a particular career that you know didn't come from your brain, that's the Spirit pushing you there. When someone comes to your mind and you can't stop thinking about them and are prompted to reach out (call, text, visit), that is the Spirit. When you have convictions of "right" and "wrong," that's the Spirit trying to lead you down the "right" path. We can choose to ignore the promptings of the Spirit. Many of us do ignore...and it's really sad because in the end, we are the ones that are missing out on the most amazing gift. The divine dance. The Trinity has this incredible relationship that is strong and cannot be broken. The 3 parts of the Trinity work together in harmony and that is exactly how we are to interact with each other. Because we are human (and broken), it is impossible (in our own power) to imitate this harmony. However, with God (the Trinity) ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
Believing in God is good. Following Jesus is great. Having the Holy Spirit is awesome! The only way to truly experience this life as God intended is to allow all three into your hearts and minds. I can promise that if you do, amazing things will happen. I have lots of stories I could tell you about how this 3-in-1 God has changed, rearranged and transformed me. It truly only works if you have faith. Even faith as small as a mustard seed. Dare to conceive. Dare to believe. Dare to receive.
My GOD I praise and thank You for all that You have done in my heart and in my life as I have continued to believe and to trust You. I know that sometimes I waiver or I run the other way or I try to take the control out of Your hands. I know that Your will is perfect, Your timing is best and Your love is unmatched. Seeing and understanding Your divine dance (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) has absolutely blown my mind and captured my heart. I pray that You will continue Your pursuit of me and continue to transform me more and more into Your image. Create in me a clean heart, Oh God! Remove impurities that You see. We know how hard it is to go through the pruning process, but we also see the fruit that it bears and so we want more. Help me to surrender to You daily and thank You for taking what I have already surrendered. I pray to You Father God through Your Son Jesus Christ and by the power of Your Spirit. Amen.
Growing up Jewish, one of the most frequently recited prayers, if not THE most frequently recited, is the Shema, which can be found in Deuteronomy 6:4. In Hebrew, it is "Shema Yisroel Adonoi Eloheinu Adonoi Echad" which in English means "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one." The idea of the LORD being ONE is the premise of the rejection by most of the Jewish people of the "Trinity" because if God is ONE, then how can God be THREE? I know I have referenced this in one of my very first posts, but in Genesis 1:26, God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us." So, it's a little confusing. Is God ONE or is God THREE? The answer (drum roll please) is YES. Both are true. Ummm. How?
Ok, here goes my crazy mind, and I have no clue where this will go or if it will make any sense to anyone other than myself (chances are, it won't even make sense to myself). God is about love and about relationship. He made it clear that He wanted to create Man in His/Our image and He also made it very clear that Man needed Woman because Man alone or Man with just all the animals wasn't going to work. God made several attempts to "relate" to us humans, the ones He created in His image. He used angels, a burning bush, a cloud, a formless voice, prophets, signs and wonders...all to try to get us to understand who He is and what He wants us to do and how He wants us to be. The problem is/was that the people would believe it one minute, and forget about it the next. The communication was basically like this: God - "10 commandments, here they are, follow them." People - "Umm, this is good stuff but we don't think you get how hard this is to actually follow." God - "Follow them or suffer the consequences, not only you, but generations after you." People - "Yes, Lord, we will follow and do what you say" (they would for a while, then totally went crazy and stopped for a while, then things got really bad and would turn back to God and follow again...and over and over and over like this for a really long time). God - "I'm just kind of done with this nonsense, you people just aren't getting it." Pause (400 years of silence)...Then Jesus is born.
Jesus. The Son of God...and GOD. Huh? Confusing? Yep. Here's what happened. God humbled Himself to BECOME one of us so that we could have an actual person to see, touch, hear and observe. He literally took on the form of a human being, emptied Himself of His divinity, faced all of the temptations, emotions and atrocities that humans face...to give us a tangible way to understand Him, relate to Him, relate to God through Him and to teach us about LOVE/Relationship. He showed us the PERSON of God, who existed with God before the earth was created. I know, it sounds so crazy. But it makes complete sense. God was having a really hard time getting us to understand Him, and we kept turning our backs on Him and He just kept getting irritated with us because we just weren't getting it. We didn't get Him and He didn't get us. So He showed up in human form and experienced what we experienced so He could better understand us and so that we could better understand Him. It's seriously the coolest and most loving thing He could have ever done. He showed us the relationship that He had and that He wanted us to have with Him and with each other. But He couldn't just stay here forever, as a human. For one thing, all human beings do eventually die (reference the fall). For another thing, He also came to be a sacrifice so that we would be able to experience God the way He did. Jesus and God were like the ultimate BFF's. They were so tight, and God wanted us to be "tight" with Him as well. But we were/are total sinners and there is no way for us to be perfect no matter how hard we try, and in order for God to be able to handle this about us and for us to be able to still have a relationship with God, there had to be a sacrifice. If you want to read up all about sacrifice, check out Leviticus and you will find out exactly what you would have had to offer for a particular situation or circumstance in order for God to forgive you back in the day. In order for us to be made right with God, Jesus became the ultimate sacrifice for us. It was prophesied long before He walked the earth and it was the way for us to be reconciled to God, but when Jesus died, how would people in generations to come know and believe in God? The PERSON was dead, and even though He rose from the dead and was seen by several hundred people before ascending into Heaven to sit with God, we wouldn't see Him again for a REALLY long time (no one really knows when). Enter the Holy Spirit.
Ok we have God, we have Jesus (who is also God) and we have the Holy Spirit. What in the what? What does that even mean? Holy Spirit? Some kind of ghost? Like just randomly hanging around in and among us? How is this even remotely possible? This just sounds so wacky. Actually, there's a lot of mention of the "Spirit" in the Old Testament, so it shouldn't be a completely foreign concept when we get to the Jesus part of the story. The Spirit is mentioned so many times in the Old Testament, that it would be another long blog post to discuss. I'm going to add in a link to a website that will address the Spirit in the Old Testament far better than I could:
https://bible.org/seriespage/2-putting-pentecost-perspective-part-1-holy-spirit-old-testament-acts-21-13
Basically, the Holy Spirit is a promise from God (the Father and the Son). It's a promise that we will always have guidance, love, relationship and wisdom that lives in us and is with us, going before and following us everywhere and in everything. It's the way that we can actually become the people that God created us to be (remember, in HIS image). This is a free gift that we can take or reject. The Spirit is always working. When you are driving down the street and see a homeless man and feel this nudge to give him something, that's the Spirit. When you are praying to God to get rid of bitterness in your heart, it's the Spirit that makes that happen. When you feel "called" into a particular career that you know didn't come from your brain, that's the Spirit pushing you there. When someone comes to your mind and you can't stop thinking about them and are prompted to reach out (call, text, visit), that is the Spirit. When you have convictions of "right" and "wrong," that's the Spirit trying to lead you down the "right" path. We can choose to ignore the promptings of the Spirit. Many of us do ignore...and it's really sad because in the end, we are the ones that are missing out on the most amazing gift. The divine dance. The Trinity has this incredible relationship that is strong and cannot be broken. The 3 parts of the Trinity work together in harmony and that is exactly how we are to interact with each other. Because we are human (and broken), it is impossible (in our own power) to imitate this harmony. However, with God (the Trinity) ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
Believing in God is good. Following Jesus is great. Having the Holy Spirit is awesome! The only way to truly experience this life as God intended is to allow all three into your hearts and minds. I can promise that if you do, amazing things will happen. I have lots of stories I could tell you about how this 3-in-1 God has changed, rearranged and transformed me. It truly only works if you have faith. Even faith as small as a mustard seed. Dare to conceive. Dare to believe. Dare to receive.
My GOD I praise and thank You for all that You have done in my heart and in my life as I have continued to believe and to trust You. I know that sometimes I waiver or I run the other way or I try to take the control out of Your hands. I know that Your will is perfect, Your timing is best and Your love is unmatched. Seeing and understanding Your divine dance (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) has absolutely blown my mind and captured my heart. I pray that You will continue Your pursuit of me and continue to transform me more and more into Your image. Create in me a clean heart, Oh God! Remove impurities that You see. We know how hard it is to go through the pruning process, but we also see the fruit that it bears and so we want more. Help me to surrender to You daily and thank You for taking what I have already surrendered. I pray to You Father God through Your Son Jesus Christ and by the power of Your Spirit. Amen.
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
The Heart of the Matter
The heart is a complex part of our bodies. It's pretty important...I mean it kind of keeps us alive. I could go into the anatomy of the heart and the circulatory system and how it relates and works with the lungs and kidneys and all sorts of medical stuff that would probably put both of my blog readers to sleep. When I was in nursing school, the cardiac system was the most fascinating to me and I loved learning about it. Lots of my patients have heart issues and it's my job to make sure they understand the disease process, the medications, diet and fluid requirements and hopefully keep them out of the hospital. It's truly awesome how this organ the size of your fist does so many things in a split second, before you could even blink an eye. So I understand the structure of the heart, the function of the heart, the diseases of the heart...but there's this entirely other dimension to the heart that is so complex, so utterly unexplainable, so mind blowing that I feel like it's the 8th wonder of the world.
Did you know your heart could break without killing you? It can speed up it's rate just by you looking at or thinking about something scary, beautiful or exciting. It can "sink" without actually moving! The heart isn't just important to us, it's also very clearly important to God. Not only did He create us and all of our intricate parts and systems, but He also has a lot to say about how we should use it in spiritual and emotional contexts. If you do an online bible search using the word "heart" in the NLT version, do you know how many times that word comes up? Well, I've looked, and it's 573. The bible is split into a total of 66 books between the Old and New Testaments. I'm not really a math person, but I do have a calculator app on my phone, and if you divide 573/66, the word is mentioned an average of 8.68 times per book. I don't think it's ever referencing the physical function of the heart. It's always related to the emotional/spiritual aspect. Here are a few of the things the Bible has to say about our hearts:
Psalm 19:14 New Living Translation (NLT): "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you,O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."
Matthew 6:21New Living Translation (NLT): "Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be."
Proverbs 3:5 New Living Translation (NLT): "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding."
Proverbs 4:23 New Living Translation (NLT): "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."
Psalm 51:10 New Living Translation (NLT): "Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me."
Psalm 73:26 New Living Translation (NLT): "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."
Philippians 4:7 New Living Translation (NLT): "Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
John 14:27 New Living Translation (NLT): “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid."
Matthew 5:8 New Living Translation (NLT): "God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God."
Psalm 34:18 New Living Translation (NLT): "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
Mark 6:52 New Living Translation (NLT): "for they still didn’t understand the significance of the miracle of the loaves. Their hearts were too hard to take it in."
Ezekiel 2:4 New Living Translation (NLT): "They are stubborn and hard-hearted people. But I am sending you to say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says!"
Hosea 10:12 New Living Translation (NLT): "I said, ‘Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you.’"
Zechariah 7:12 New Living Translation (NLT): "They made their hearts as hard as stone, so they could not hear the instructions or the messages that the Lord of Heaven’s Armies had sent them by his Spirit through the earlier prophets. That is why the Lord of Heaven’s Armies was so angry with them."
Our hearts are so fragile. They can feel so deeply; they can lead us astray or lead us closer to God. They can break and they can harden and they can love and they can hate. Our hearts are the gateway to our souls, and our souls are what live on with Jesus at the end of our physical life. What we feed our hearts and what we do with them can determine the course of our life here on earth and beyond. How do we control the things our heart feels and does though? When we've been hurt, rejected, bullied, manipulated, lied to, betrayed...when we become jealous or bitter or resentful...how do we not allow our hearts to harden? How do we allow our hearts to forgive and to feel joy after years of pain and hurt? How do we "love our enemy as ourselves??"
Well, let me just be blunt. We can't. On our own, we cannot possibly have a heart change. We cannot possibly control what our hearts feel or what our hearts are fed or dealt in this life. Oh, by the way, we cannot change anyone else's heart either, despite how much we may try! We cannot change a heart, not ours or anyone else's. But guess what? The Holy Spirit can! The Holy Spirit has done things in my heart that I would never have imagined would be possible. There's a catch though, you knew there would be (just like in the infomercials). We have to LET God do the work in us and through us. That's a choice. We all have a choice in whether we allow God to shape and refine and change our hearts or not. Sure, He is God and He can change a person's heart at any time whether they "allow" Him to or not. If He does change a heart that drastically, there is still a road ahead that heart has to go down. More hurt, more pain, more devastation can cause that heart to harden right back up again. It's the process of prayer, of relationship with God that changes our hearts and keeps us on the right path. In this world, Jesus said WE WILL have troubles. But He also says, "take heart, for I have overcome the world." By HIS blood, we are saved and by HIS Spirit, our hearts can be made new.
I pray that whatever is going on in your heart right now that is causing it to harden or causing it to break, that you will invite the Holy Spirit in and allow God to transform your heart! He can do it. He's the ONLY ONE WHO CAN! You can fight it, and trust me, I have...a lot! But that is just exhausting and very similar to spinning your wheels in a mud pit. Fighting God isn't going to get you anywhere, certainly not closer to Him. And the closer to Him you are, the more your heart is changed into the one that He intended you to have in the first place...before all the hurt of this broken world got to it.
Lord, may the hearts of those who hear Your word and obey Your Spirit be blessed, changed, protected, put back together and fully healed by Your love, grace and mercy. Thank You for creating this fascinating 4 chambered pumping machine in us that doesn't just keep us alive physically, but spiritually and emotionally as well. Thank You for creating us in Your image! Thank You for sending Your son, who's heart was pierced so ours could beat forever with His. Amen!
Did you know your heart could break without killing you? It can speed up it's rate just by you looking at or thinking about something scary, beautiful or exciting. It can "sink" without actually moving! The heart isn't just important to us, it's also very clearly important to God. Not only did He create us and all of our intricate parts and systems, but He also has a lot to say about how we should use it in spiritual and emotional contexts. If you do an online bible search using the word "heart" in the NLT version, do you know how many times that word comes up? Well, I've looked, and it's 573. The bible is split into a total of 66 books between the Old and New Testaments. I'm not really a math person, but I do have a calculator app on my phone, and if you divide 573/66, the word is mentioned an average of 8.68 times per book. I don't think it's ever referencing the physical function of the heart. It's always related to the emotional/spiritual aspect. Here are a few of the things the Bible has to say about our hearts:
Psalm 19:14 New Living Translation (NLT): "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you,O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."
Matthew 6:21New Living Translation (NLT): "Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be."
Proverbs 3:5 New Living Translation (NLT): "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding."
Proverbs 4:23 New Living Translation (NLT): "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."
Psalm 51:10 New Living Translation (NLT): "Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me."
Psalm 73:26 New Living Translation (NLT): "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."
Philippians 4:7 New Living Translation (NLT): "Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
John 14:27 New Living Translation (NLT): “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid."
Matthew 5:8 New Living Translation (NLT): "God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God."
Psalm 34:18 New Living Translation (NLT): "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
Mark 6:52 New Living Translation (NLT): "for they still didn’t understand the significance of the miracle of the loaves. Their hearts were too hard to take it in."
Ezekiel 2:4 New Living Translation (NLT): "They are stubborn and hard-hearted people. But I am sending you to say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says!"
Hosea 10:12 New Living Translation (NLT): "I said, ‘Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you.’"
Zechariah 7:12 New Living Translation (NLT): "They made their hearts as hard as stone, so they could not hear the instructions or the messages that the Lord of Heaven’s Armies had sent them by his Spirit through the earlier prophets. That is why the Lord of Heaven’s Armies was so angry with them."
Our hearts are so fragile. They can feel so deeply; they can lead us astray or lead us closer to God. They can break and they can harden and they can love and they can hate. Our hearts are the gateway to our souls, and our souls are what live on with Jesus at the end of our physical life. What we feed our hearts and what we do with them can determine the course of our life here on earth and beyond. How do we control the things our heart feels and does though? When we've been hurt, rejected, bullied, manipulated, lied to, betrayed...when we become jealous or bitter or resentful...how do we not allow our hearts to harden? How do we allow our hearts to forgive and to feel joy after years of pain and hurt? How do we "love our enemy as ourselves??"
Well, let me just be blunt. We can't. On our own, we cannot possibly have a heart change. We cannot possibly control what our hearts feel or what our hearts are fed or dealt in this life. Oh, by the way, we cannot change anyone else's heart either, despite how much we may try! We cannot change a heart, not ours or anyone else's. But guess what? The Holy Spirit can! The Holy Spirit has done things in my heart that I would never have imagined would be possible. There's a catch though, you knew there would be (just like in the infomercials). We have to LET God do the work in us and through us. That's a choice. We all have a choice in whether we allow God to shape and refine and change our hearts or not. Sure, He is God and He can change a person's heart at any time whether they "allow" Him to or not. If He does change a heart that drastically, there is still a road ahead that heart has to go down. More hurt, more pain, more devastation can cause that heart to harden right back up again. It's the process of prayer, of relationship with God that changes our hearts and keeps us on the right path. In this world, Jesus said WE WILL have troubles. But He also says, "take heart, for I have overcome the world." By HIS blood, we are saved and by HIS Spirit, our hearts can be made new.
I pray that whatever is going on in your heart right now that is causing it to harden or causing it to break, that you will invite the Holy Spirit in and allow God to transform your heart! He can do it. He's the ONLY ONE WHO CAN! You can fight it, and trust me, I have...a lot! But that is just exhausting and very similar to spinning your wheels in a mud pit. Fighting God isn't going to get you anywhere, certainly not closer to Him. And the closer to Him you are, the more your heart is changed into the one that He intended you to have in the first place...before all the hurt of this broken world got to it.
Lord, may the hearts of those who hear Your word and obey Your Spirit be blessed, changed, protected, put back together and fully healed by Your love, grace and mercy. Thank You for creating this fascinating 4 chambered pumping machine in us that doesn't just keep us alive physically, but spiritually and emotionally as well. Thank You for creating us in Your image! Thank You for sending Your son, who's heart was pierced so ours could beat forever with His. Amen!
Sunday, June 26, 2016
The most Amazing God!!!
I believe. I do. Sometimes I stress and feel guilt over my Jewish friends and my family and how disappointed they are in me, and because of that, I feel like I'm trying to seek their approval over God's.
Today, a series of absolutely amazing things happened that can ONLY have been orchestrated by God. I know. I will attempt to explain but there's no way I can truly put this into words.
First, my SISTERS class at church meets on Sunday's after the service during discipleship hour. We have used this hour to learn, share, pray, bond and so much more. The wonderful woman who leads this class prays about what is next for our class and for the summer, she needed a break from teaching. She asked us each to pick a week to share our story or something that's going on in our lives. The parameter gave us is that it needs to be tied somehow to a scripture verse or something in the Bible. I volunteered to take the first Sunday of this "series" which was today. Ironically, this weekend is the 33rd anniversary of my Bat Mitzvah. Friday night June 24th 1983, I recited a Torah portion that I had studied and practiced for more than a year in Hebrew. It was from the book of Micah, and specifically in my speech that night, I spoke about Micah 6:8:
No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.
Here is a picture of the main part of the speech, which my Dad helped me write:
I also passed my Baptism speech around the room and each lady read part of it. You can read that on my blog post entitled "I've Been Dunked" from November 2014.
Ok, rewind just a little bit...(sorry, I'm feeling this overwhelming urgency right now to write this post so I am trying to keep my typing and brain in sync somehow). If you've read my blog, you know that one of the biggest struggles I've had with this whole following Jesus thing has been the disappointment, disapproval, etc of my family and Jewish friends. So, this has really been weighing on me a lot lately and I want to shout and share my faith with everyone, everywhere without fear of disapproval.
Songs at church today: Amazing Grace and a few others, all making me think about how I'm supposed to be free from the chains because I believe, but I still feel chained because I don't feel free to share with EVERYONE. Then, sermon today...scripture in sermon. Galatians 1:10 and Galatians 2:20 - for easy reference:
Galatians 1:10 (NLT) 10 Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.
Galatians 2:20 (NLT) 20 My old self has been crucified with Christ.[a] It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
So, then I went to SISTERS class and talked about my Bat Mitzvah, about Micah 6:8, we read my Baptism speech...I talked about the songs and the sermon today and how crazy it was that it all just tied right in to all that I've been feeling and going through and how hard it is to have my family so disappointed in me, especially my mom. It was a great class, the ladies are amazing, understanding, supportive, they love me, I love them. I believe God has brought these people into my life for a reason, or rather me into theirs. Ok - fast forward...
I go to pick up my mom after church to take her to visit a relative of ours that is dying of cancer (which is super hard because I LOVE this woman so much, but I totally believe in heaven and I know she's going there which gives me some peace)...anyway, a friend of mine, a really good friend, who I go to church with and who was in the SISTERS class today and who got choked up reading the part of my speech that she was reading and who I have come to know pretty well and love to pieces and can totally see Jesus in her all the time...she texts me while we are driving. My mom, who is always on heightened alert to the phone, wonders if that's someone texting me and wants to know who it is. I tell her my friend's name that texted. She asked if she knows this friend, I say no, she asks if I know her from nursing school, I say no...from church. It, by the way, is hard for me to even talk about church at all with my mom, even though I know that she knows that I go it's still just an awkward thing to bring up.
I know I'm babbling but I truly feel this urgency to get this all out and right now, when I should be in bed since I have to work tomorrow and have a full day.
My mom says to me...my MOM. The one who is incredibly disappointed that I believe in Jesus, who is always making comments about how uncomfortable some people in her apartment building make her feel when they talk about the Bible (New Testament), Jesus, Christianity, etc....which then makes ME feel uncomfortable because, hello - I'm one of those people - says to me (I'm still in shock and disbelief) - "maybe I can go with you to church sometime so I can see what it's like. After all, you go to synagogue with me sometimes." WHAT? WHAT? MY MOTHER, who feels incredibly uncomfortable when people mention the name Jesus, the New Testament, church or anything about it, I mean VERY UNCOMFORTABLE, just asked me if she can go to church with me sometime????????????? WHAT?
I actually feel paralyzed, stunned, in shock ... all I can do tonight is have tears flow out of my eyes and down my cheek and wonder how this amazing God that I believe in but still maybe don't believe that He really wants to be INTIMATELY involved with MY life...how He can make MY MOTHER want to step foot into a church. And...there's more. Because when God is trying to get a message across, He does a series of things to make me realize that it's Him...
When I texted my friend that texted me in the car...that my mother just said she thought maybe she could go to church with me sometime...texted this back to me "Omw (which means, oh my word), Praise the Lord! My heart prayed that prayer for her today in class. " WHAT??????????????? GOD IS...WOW.
People...whoever is reading this. I am telling you right now that God is REAL. Jesus loves you...everything about you. He cares deeply and intimately for you and all He wants from you is YOU. A relationship with Him. Without fear. Without worrying about approval from man, but only caring about His approval. To trust Him...completely. To be yourself, share your stuff, speak His word, and let Him deal with the way others react. Wait, there's more...
I had to call/tell a couple other friends. I called one - the one from nursing school who really helped to spark my interest in finding out the truth...and after we hung up the phone, she just happened to be reading this and sent me a picture of this page:
Lord, I thank You - for loving me. For showing me that You are REAL. For reminding me that You care intimately about my life and that Your ways are far far beyond my understanding, but that I can and should trust You. I thank you for the ways that You show up in my life in mind blowing ways. I pray that I can have the guts to bring my Mom to church and that I can feel more free to share You with everyone, without fear. I pray that I can be bold like David when facing Goliath. I pray that You will continue to do Your amazing, yet painful work in my heart and my life to transform me into the image of Your son. In Jesus name, I praise and thank You!
Today, a series of absolutely amazing things happened that can ONLY have been orchestrated by God. I know. I will attempt to explain but there's no way I can truly put this into words.
First, my SISTERS class at church meets on Sunday's after the service during discipleship hour. We have used this hour to learn, share, pray, bond and so much more. The wonderful woman who leads this class prays about what is next for our class and for the summer, she needed a break from teaching. She asked us each to pick a week to share our story or something that's going on in our lives. The parameter gave us is that it needs to be tied somehow to a scripture verse or something in the Bible. I volunteered to take the first Sunday of this "series" which was today. Ironically, this weekend is the 33rd anniversary of my Bat Mitzvah. Friday night June 24th 1983, I recited a Torah portion that I had studied and practiced for more than a year in Hebrew. It was from the book of Micah, and specifically in my speech that night, I spoke about Micah 6:8:
No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.
Here is a picture of the main part of the speech, which my Dad helped me write:
I also passed my Baptism speech around the room and each lady read part of it. You can read that on my blog post entitled "I've Been Dunked" from November 2014.
Ok, rewind just a little bit...(sorry, I'm feeling this overwhelming urgency right now to write this post so I am trying to keep my typing and brain in sync somehow). If you've read my blog, you know that one of the biggest struggles I've had with this whole following Jesus thing has been the disappointment, disapproval, etc of my family and Jewish friends. So, this has really been weighing on me a lot lately and I want to shout and share my faith with everyone, everywhere without fear of disapproval.
Songs at church today: Amazing Grace and a few others, all making me think about how I'm supposed to be free from the chains because I believe, but I still feel chained because I don't feel free to share with EVERYONE. Then, sermon today...scripture in sermon. Galatians 1:10 and Galatians 2:20 - for easy reference:
Galatians 1:10 (NLT) 10 Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.
Galatians 2:20 (NLT) 20 My old self has been crucified with Christ.[a] It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
So, then I went to SISTERS class and talked about my Bat Mitzvah, about Micah 6:8, we read my Baptism speech...I talked about the songs and the sermon today and how crazy it was that it all just tied right in to all that I've been feeling and going through and how hard it is to have my family so disappointed in me, especially my mom. It was a great class, the ladies are amazing, understanding, supportive, they love me, I love them. I believe God has brought these people into my life for a reason, or rather me into theirs. Ok - fast forward...
I go to pick up my mom after church to take her to visit a relative of ours that is dying of cancer (which is super hard because I LOVE this woman so much, but I totally believe in heaven and I know she's going there which gives me some peace)...anyway, a friend of mine, a really good friend, who I go to church with and who was in the SISTERS class today and who got choked up reading the part of my speech that she was reading and who I have come to know pretty well and love to pieces and can totally see Jesus in her all the time...she texts me while we are driving. My mom, who is always on heightened alert to the phone, wonders if that's someone texting me and wants to know who it is. I tell her my friend's name that texted. She asked if she knows this friend, I say no, she asks if I know her from nursing school, I say no...from church. It, by the way, is hard for me to even talk about church at all with my mom, even though I know that she knows that I go it's still just an awkward thing to bring up.
I know I'm babbling but I truly feel this urgency to get this all out and right now, when I should be in bed since I have to work tomorrow and have a full day.
My mom says to me...my MOM. The one who is incredibly disappointed that I believe in Jesus, who is always making comments about how uncomfortable some people in her apartment building make her feel when they talk about the Bible (New Testament), Jesus, Christianity, etc....which then makes ME feel uncomfortable because, hello - I'm one of those people - says to me (I'm still in shock and disbelief) - "maybe I can go with you to church sometime so I can see what it's like. After all, you go to synagogue with me sometimes." WHAT? WHAT? MY MOTHER, who feels incredibly uncomfortable when people mention the name Jesus, the New Testament, church or anything about it, I mean VERY UNCOMFORTABLE, just asked me if she can go to church with me sometime????????????? WHAT?
I actually feel paralyzed, stunned, in shock ... all I can do tonight is have tears flow out of my eyes and down my cheek and wonder how this amazing God that I believe in but still maybe don't believe that He really wants to be INTIMATELY involved with MY life...how He can make MY MOTHER want to step foot into a church. And...there's more. Because when God is trying to get a message across, He does a series of things to make me realize that it's Him...
When I texted my friend that texted me in the car...that my mother just said she thought maybe she could go to church with me sometime...texted this back to me "Omw (which means, oh my word), Praise the Lord! My heart prayed that prayer for her today in class. " WHAT??????????????? GOD IS...WOW.
People...whoever is reading this. I am telling you right now that God is REAL. Jesus loves you...everything about you. He cares deeply and intimately for you and all He wants from you is YOU. A relationship with Him. Without fear. Without worrying about approval from man, but only caring about His approval. To trust Him...completely. To be yourself, share your stuff, speak His word, and let Him deal with the way others react. Wait, there's more...
I had to call/tell a couple other friends. I called one - the one from nursing school who really helped to spark my interest in finding out the truth...and after we hung up the phone, she just happened to be reading this and sent me a picture of this page:
Lord, I thank You - for loving me. For showing me that You are REAL. For reminding me that You care intimately about my life and that Your ways are far far beyond my understanding, but that I can and should trust You. I thank you for the ways that You show up in my life in mind blowing ways. I pray that I can have the guts to bring my Mom to church and that I can feel more free to share You with everyone, without fear. I pray that I can be bold like David when facing Goliath. I pray that You will continue to do Your amazing, yet painful work in my heart and my life to transform me into the image of Your son. In Jesus name, I praise and thank You!
Monday, April 4, 2016
Loving the Unlovable
43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. 48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. Matthew 5:43-48 NLT
I've been thinking quite a bit lately about this concept of loving EVERYONE. It's become really easy to love the unlovable that are "out there." The marginalized. It's easy to show love to the clerk at the store, the homeless people I see on the streets, my patients, people at church, parents of my kids friends, 500+ "friends" on Facebook...
What I'm finding to be extremely difficult though, is to love those close to me that hurt me. Especially repeat offenders. Especially those who don't seem to love or care about themselves. Especially those that don't seem to love me back. Jesus says that we shouldn't only love those who love us, but that we are to love perfectly, like our Father in heaven. Jesus knows that this isn't easy. Look at some of the people He loved...tax collectors, sinners, prostitutes, disfigured, the mentally unstable, possessed, homeless, outcasts. These were people that were the marginalized. It may have been easy, though unfathomable to the religious leaders of the time, for Jesus to love these people. They weren't really close to Him. They weren't in his "inner circle." Then there was Judas. This was someone in His circle...one of His closest friends, one of the 12 original disciples that He brought to Himself to show "the way." Judas was to betray Jesus and hand Him over to the Romans and Pharisees for money. On the very night Judas was to betray Jesus, Jesus washed his feet. He got on his hands and knees and scrubbed the dirty, stinky feet of a man He loved dearly, who was about to hand Him over to die a criminal's death. How do you love someone that betrays you? This is what I have been struggling with for quite some time and what's been on my heart and mind and what I feel that God is speaking to me about lately. So, here I am...sharing it with all 2 or 3 of you who read this blog. Thanks for letting me vent!
With people who have betrayed me, been unkind, hurt me over and over...I have asked God to change them, change their hearts and to make them see the error of their ways. I've even asked Him to release me from some of those relationships because they are too hard and hurt too much. I've had others ask me why I stay in these relationships, many have flat out said that I should just walk away. I'd probably tell myself to walk away if I were someone else. What I've been finding out is that God has been more interested in changing me than those I've asked Him to change. I honestly feel like He's trying to teach me how to love the way He spoke about in the verses above. Sacrificial love. Unconditional love. Perfect love. Loving without being loved in return. Humanly speaking, this has been IMPOSSIBLE for me to do. But as I have learned to truly receive the perfect love that God gives me, I am finding that with Him, it is becoming possible. It's truly mind boggling to me. It's not just actions devoid of emotions. It's not just emotions devoid of action. It's a combination of empathy, love, actions and words. It's learning to trust not in others, but in Him. It's learning to humble myself, to open myself, to be incredibly vulnerable when I'd previously just shut down, lash out or try to pretend things didn't bother me. I wouldn't say that it's easy. I am in a constant war between my human flesh and human emotions and the supernatural help of the Spirit that lives in me. By the worlds standards, I don't "deserve" to be treated the way I've been treated and I "deserve" to be happy and walking away is the only thing that makes sense. God is teaching me that those who live in darkness need light, not more darkness. He has called me to be the light. So the light I'm trying to be. I have absolutely no way to know what this will lead to. It could lead to devastating loss, it could lead to incomprehensible happiness, it might even never be resolved in my lifetime. All I know is that it's what I'm called to do, and I want to be obedient.
I'm not saying that it's ok for me to be treated poorly. It's not ok for anyone to be treated poorly. As Jesus showed us...it's ok to hate the sin, but we are to love the sinner. I don't know about you, but it's really hard for me to separate the sin from the sinner. I've often wondered how it's possible for a family who has lost a son or daughter to a senseless murder to go on TV and say that they have forgiven the person that murdered their loved one that they feel love for them and that they pray for them. Those people clearly have the love of God living in them and they have learned to receive it and to be obedient to Jesus' call to love their enemies and love those who persecute them. Jesus, hanging on the cross, in immense pain and suffocating to death...said “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34 (NLT). He was showing love to the very people who were KILLING Him! How on earth did He do that? How does anyone do that? It can only be explained by accepting the perfect love of the Father and then allowing that love to pour out of us in a way that is not comprehensible to the human mind.
One thing I've realized is that withholding love comes from fear. It's the fear of being rejected and not loved in return that keeps us from experiencing and giving love. John does an awesome job of explaining this in 1 John chapter 4:
Loving One Another
7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God.
8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.
10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.
12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.
13 And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us.
14 Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.
15 All who declare that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God.
16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.
17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.
18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other because he loved us first.
Lord, I want to love perfectly, because You love me perfectly. I do not want to allow bitterness, resentment, jealousy or fear to prevent me from loving others the way that You have called me to love. It's impossible for me to love this way without Your help. Please help me not only to love well, but to have the discernment to know when to love up close and when to love from afar. I pray for wisdom to know when to stay and when to walk away. I pray that in all I do and in all I say, I glorify You by loving the way you have loved me and that at the end of my earthly life, I can say that I at least loved well...even if that love was never returned to me here. I want YOUR love to permeate me so much that it just flows out of me to everyone I come into contact with...from the marginalized to those in my "inner circle." I pray all this in the name of Your perfect Son. Amen.
I've been thinking quite a bit lately about this concept of loving EVERYONE. It's become really easy to love the unlovable that are "out there." The marginalized. It's easy to show love to the clerk at the store, the homeless people I see on the streets, my patients, people at church, parents of my kids friends, 500+ "friends" on Facebook...
What I'm finding to be extremely difficult though, is to love those close to me that hurt me. Especially repeat offenders. Especially those who don't seem to love or care about themselves. Especially those that don't seem to love me back. Jesus says that we shouldn't only love those who love us, but that we are to love perfectly, like our Father in heaven. Jesus knows that this isn't easy. Look at some of the people He loved...tax collectors, sinners, prostitutes, disfigured, the mentally unstable, possessed, homeless, outcasts. These were people that were the marginalized. It may have been easy, though unfathomable to the religious leaders of the time, for Jesus to love these people. They weren't really close to Him. They weren't in his "inner circle." Then there was Judas. This was someone in His circle...one of His closest friends, one of the 12 original disciples that He brought to Himself to show "the way." Judas was to betray Jesus and hand Him over to the Romans and Pharisees for money. On the very night Judas was to betray Jesus, Jesus washed his feet. He got on his hands and knees and scrubbed the dirty, stinky feet of a man He loved dearly, who was about to hand Him over to die a criminal's death. How do you love someone that betrays you? This is what I have been struggling with for quite some time and what's been on my heart and mind and what I feel that God is speaking to me about lately. So, here I am...sharing it with all 2 or 3 of you who read this blog. Thanks for letting me vent!
With people who have betrayed me, been unkind, hurt me over and over...I have asked God to change them, change their hearts and to make them see the error of their ways. I've even asked Him to release me from some of those relationships because they are too hard and hurt too much. I've had others ask me why I stay in these relationships, many have flat out said that I should just walk away. I'd probably tell myself to walk away if I were someone else. What I've been finding out is that God has been more interested in changing me than those I've asked Him to change. I honestly feel like He's trying to teach me how to love the way He spoke about in the verses above. Sacrificial love. Unconditional love. Perfect love. Loving without being loved in return. Humanly speaking, this has been IMPOSSIBLE for me to do. But as I have learned to truly receive the perfect love that God gives me, I am finding that with Him, it is becoming possible. It's truly mind boggling to me. It's not just actions devoid of emotions. It's not just emotions devoid of action. It's a combination of empathy, love, actions and words. It's learning to trust not in others, but in Him. It's learning to humble myself, to open myself, to be incredibly vulnerable when I'd previously just shut down, lash out or try to pretend things didn't bother me. I wouldn't say that it's easy. I am in a constant war between my human flesh and human emotions and the supernatural help of the Spirit that lives in me. By the worlds standards, I don't "deserve" to be treated the way I've been treated and I "deserve" to be happy and walking away is the only thing that makes sense. God is teaching me that those who live in darkness need light, not more darkness. He has called me to be the light. So the light I'm trying to be. I have absolutely no way to know what this will lead to. It could lead to devastating loss, it could lead to incomprehensible happiness, it might even never be resolved in my lifetime. All I know is that it's what I'm called to do, and I want to be obedient.
I'm not saying that it's ok for me to be treated poorly. It's not ok for anyone to be treated poorly. As Jesus showed us...it's ok to hate the sin, but we are to love the sinner. I don't know about you, but it's really hard for me to separate the sin from the sinner. I've often wondered how it's possible for a family who has lost a son or daughter to a senseless murder to go on TV and say that they have forgiven the person that murdered their loved one that they feel love for them and that they pray for them. Those people clearly have the love of God living in them and they have learned to receive it and to be obedient to Jesus' call to love their enemies and love those who persecute them. Jesus, hanging on the cross, in immense pain and suffocating to death...said “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34 (NLT). He was showing love to the very people who were KILLING Him! How on earth did He do that? How does anyone do that? It can only be explained by accepting the perfect love of the Father and then allowing that love to pour out of us in a way that is not comprehensible to the human mind.
One thing I've realized is that withholding love comes from fear. It's the fear of being rejected and not loved in return that keeps us from experiencing and giving love. John does an awesome job of explaining this in 1 John chapter 4:
Loving One Another
7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God.
8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.
10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.
12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.
13 And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us.
14 Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.
15 All who declare that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God.
16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.
17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.
18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other because he loved us first.
Lord, I want to love perfectly, because You love me perfectly. I do not want to allow bitterness, resentment, jealousy or fear to prevent me from loving others the way that You have called me to love. It's impossible for me to love this way without Your help. Please help me not only to love well, but to have the discernment to know when to love up close and when to love from afar. I pray for wisdom to know when to stay and when to walk away. I pray that in all I do and in all I say, I glorify You by loving the way you have loved me and that at the end of my earthly life, I can say that I at least loved well...even if that love was never returned to me here. I want YOUR love to permeate me so much that it just flows out of me to everyone I come into contact with...from the marginalized to those in my "inner circle." I pray all this in the name of Your perfect Son. Amen.
Sunday, January 10, 2016
A Lamp on a Stand
Matthew was a dishonest Jewish tax collector named Levi before Jesus chose him as a disciple, one of the twelve. Matthew went on to write his Gospel account specifically tailored to the Jews to present their hoped-for Messiah to them in ways that would answer their questions. While I love all of the Gospel accounts, I am particularly intrigued by Matthew's, both as a Jew and a follower of Jesus. In chapter 5, which also contains the "Beatitudes" ...totally worth reading and understanding, Matthew talks about something that I have been struggling with since I started this faith journey.
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.
14 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. 15 No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. Matthew 5:13-15 New Living Translation (NLT)
In the beginning of my journey when I was REALLY believing this stuff in the New Testament, not just in theory, but trying to figure out how to put what I believed into practice, I had a very hard time with Verse 15 in particular. Why? Because I was a Jew who believed in Jesus as the Messiah, which goes against what I grew up learning and believing and goes against what my family and Jewish friends believe. Inside, I wanted to shout it from the mountaintops that Jesus is Lord. I wanted to put my light on the stand instead of hiding it under the basket. But outside, I felt tremendous amounts of shame and guilt not only in saying it out loud, but believing what I believed. I felt such a tremendous rub between honoring and respecting my people and wearing my faith on my sleeve. When I go back and read some of my earlier posts, the intense feelings of guilt come rushing back into my body like a tidal wave - I literally can still feel how I felt. It basically felt that (pardon the verbiage) I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. I felt like no matter what I did, I'd be disappointing someone. Either God or my family...or both.
I still do live in this rub, it's just not as intense as it was back then. I have "come out" to my family about my beliefs, although most of my Jewish friends still don't know. I have told many other people about my beliefs and I am fairly open about my faith with my patients, co-workers, Christian friends, gentile friends and even strangers. I still don't have the courage to wear a cross in public or display any in my home (mostly because of the unfortunate correlation to anti Semitism and my mom's very STRONG insistence that she never sees me wear one or display one...or pictures of Jesus...or other Christian symbols, on myself, my kids or my home). Now, I know that I'm an adult and that I have the right to do what I want to and that I shouldn't allow what others think to change who I am or how I live my life. However, when you already know that you've upset/disappointed people (especially your mother), and you know they don't want to hear about or talk about or see you waving that flag in their faces, because you know it's like pouring salt into an open wound...and when you know that God wants you to honor your parents...it makes it pretty difficult to really be true to who you are without offending those you love.
I'm a little bit of a social media junky. I freely admit my Facebook addiction. There are MANY ways and reasons that a follower of Christ should either avoid it, or at the least be very very careful and intentional about it's use. It is a distraction from God, from family and friends (real life relationships), can be a form of selfish ambition, of idolatry, of bullying, etc. I have struggled with what to post, how much to post, who I should or shouldn't include in my messages...I have feared upsetting people or offending or excluding...I have spent WAY too much time browsing posts and "liking" and commenting, and taking quizzes, and looking at pictures (and posting pictures, just ask my kids and husband). On the flip side, though, I have seen Facebook be like a stand where people can shine the light of Jesus to the masses. I have seen others post Christian song lyrics, images, bible verses, devotional readings and many stories of faith. I have seen how powerful social media can be in spreading evil AND of spreading good. So, in my "rub" between living my faith out loud and not wanting to offend my people...I have been afraid to "like" some of the good God stuff I've seen posted, I've been afraid to "share" all of the good things I see and believe and read and listen to.
The stronger my faith has become and the deeper my love of Christ has become rooted in my heart, the more bold I have been, especially on social media. I have been "liking" God stuff for a while, Jesus stuff only recently, and sometimes I even "share" stuff publically that is at least loosely associated with a belief in God. I finally made a decision this past weekend to create a group on Facebook initially entitled "Believers" - but since changed to "Soul Food." This is a place where I can freely share my faith with a large group of people. It's a "secret" group, which means that only those I invite to be "members" can see and post. I started out just inviting a small group of people, then I kept adding and adding more from my extensive list of Facebook friends, until I got up to 180 people. I feel good about this group and that it's been sparking some good conversation and hopefully planting a few seeds of faith in the lives of other people who may not fully believe. I also feel bad and ashamed of myself that I'm not courageous enough to make it public. It is my hope, desire and prayer that God will continue to work in me to become more and more bold and less and less concerned about offending others. It is really not easy, but I feel like this "secret" group is a step in the direction that I'd like to be heading in. So, my lamp is still partially hidden under the basket, but also partially up on a stand. It's definitely reaching more now than ever in my faith journey...and it's also definitely no where near where I hope it will be.
Jesus, I pray for Your strength and the confident faith I to boldly proclaim who YOU are to anyone and everyone. I want to be the salt and the light. I want to do everything both in word and deed to bring glory to You. I know You understand how I feel, as You were rejected by Your own people, You offended Your own family and Jewish people to bring the Good News to the world. I know that Your grace and mercy will cover me whether I hide my lamp under a basket or proudly display it on a table. I know that You have the patience to wait for me to do Your will on earth, but I also know what You want me to do. I pray that I will continue to listen and obey Your instruction and I pray that You go before me to soften the hearts and open the minds of those who will be most offended by my proclamation of faith. I pray that You will give me the right words and actions at the right times to speak Your truth in love and to show others who You are by how I live. I love You and I thank you for Your goodness and faithfulness. Amen.
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.
14 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. 15 No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. Matthew 5:13-15 New Living Translation (NLT)
In the beginning of my journey when I was REALLY believing this stuff in the New Testament, not just in theory, but trying to figure out how to put what I believed into practice, I had a very hard time with Verse 15 in particular. Why? Because I was a Jew who believed in Jesus as the Messiah, which goes against what I grew up learning and believing and goes against what my family and Jewish friends believe. Inside, I wanted to shout it from the mountaintops that Jesus is Lord. I wanted to put my light on the stand instead of hiding it under the basket. But outside, I felt tremendous amounts of shame and guilt not only in saying it out loud, but believing what I believed. I felt such a tremendous rub between honoring and respecting my people and wearing my faith on my sleeve. When I go back and read some of my earlier posts, the intense feelings of guilt come rushing back into my body like a tidal wave - I literally can still feel how I felt. It basically felt that (pardon the verbiage) I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. I felt like no matter what I did, I'd be disappointing someone. Either God or my family...or both.
I still do live in this rub, it's just not as intense as it was back then. I have "come out" to my family about my beliefs, although most of my Jewish friends still don't know. I have told many other people about my beliefs and I am fairly open about my faith with my patients, co-workers, Christian friends, gentile friends and even strangers. I still don't have the courage to wear a cross in public or display any in my home (mostly because of the unfortunate correlation to anti Semitism and my mom's very STRONG insistence that she never sees me wear one or display one...or pictures of Jesus...or other Christian symbols, on myself, my kids or my home). Now, I know that I'm an adult and that I have the right to do what I want to and that I shouldn't allow what others think to change who I am or how I live my life. However, when you already know that you've upset/disappointed people (especially your mother), and you know they don't want to hear about or talk about or see you waving that flag in their faces, because you know it's like pouring salt into an open wound...and when you know that God wants you to honor your parents...it makes it pretty difficult to really be true to who you are without offending those you love.
I'm a little bit of a social media junky. I freely admit my Facebook addiction. There are MANY ways and reasons that a follower of Christ should either avoid it, or at the least be very very careful and intentional about it's use. It is a distraction from God, from family and friends (real life relationships), can be a form of selfish ambition, of idolatry, of bullying, etc. I have struggled with what to post, how much to post, who I should or shouldn't include in my messages...I have feared upsetting people or offending or excluding...I have spent WAY too much time browsing posts and "liking" and commenting, and taking quizzes, and looking at pictures (and posting pictures, just ask my kids and husband). On the flip side, though, I have seen Facebook be like a stand where people can shine the light of Jesus to the masses. I have seen others post Christian song lyrics, images, bible verses, devotional readings and many stories of faith. I have seen how powerful social media can be in spreading evil AND of spreading good. So, in my "rub" between living my faith out loud and not wanting to offend my people...I have been afraid to "like" some of the good God stuff I've seen posted, I've been afraid to "share" all of the good things I see and believe and read and listen to.
The stronger my faith has become and the deeper my love of Christ has become rooted in my heart, the more bold I have been, especially on social media. I have been "liking" God stuff for a while, Jesus stuff only recently, and sometimes I even "share" stuff publically that is at least loosely associated with a belief in God. I finally made a decision this past weekend to create a group on Facebook initially entitled "Believers" - but since changed to "Soul Food." This is a place where I can freely share my faith with a large group of people. It's a "secret" group, which means that only those I invite to be "members" can see and post. I started out just inviting a small group of people, then I kept adding and adding more from my extensive list of Facebook friends, until I got up to 180 people. I feel good about this group and that it's been sparking some good conversation and hopefully planting a few seeds of faith in the lives of other people who may not fully believe. I also feel bad and ashamed of myself that I'm not courageous enough to make it public. It is my hope, desire and prayer that God will continue to work in me to become more and more bold and less and less concerned about offending others. It is really not easy, but I feel like this "secret" group is a step in the direction that I'd like to be heading in. So, my lamp is still partially hidden under the basket, but also partially up on a stand. It's definitely reaching more now than ever in my faith journey...and it's also definitely no where near where I hope it will be.
Jesus, I pray for Your strength and the confident faith I to boldly proclaim who YOU are to anyone and everyone. I want to be the salt and the light. I want to do everything both in word and deed to bring glory to You. I know You understand how I feel, as You were rejected by Your own people, You offended Your own family and Jewish people to bring the Good News to the world. I know that Your grace and mercy will cover me whether I hide my lamp under a basket or proudly display it on a table. I know that You have the patience to wait for me to do Your will on earth, but I also know what You want me to do. I pray that I will continue to listen and obey Your instruction and I pray that You go before me to soften the hearts and open the minds of those who will be most offended by my proclamation of faith. I pray that You will give me the right words and actions at the right times to speak Your truth in love and to show others who You are by how I live. I love You and I thank you for Your goodness and faithfulness. Amen.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
When Faith meets the FIRE
It's time to be real here...saying one has faith and trust in God is one thing. But actually living out faith and trust in real life is quite another. When you are in the middle of the fire, it's super hard to be patient, to trust, to love. I'm about to get personal here...which I have been to some degree in past blogs, but this is SUPER personal. So, for the 2 of you who read this blog, and you probably already know this personal stuff anyway, here goes! ;)
My marriage has been in turmoil for MANY years. I almost got divorced this past summer. When I say almost, I mean I literally signed the papers and they had been sent to a judge on a Tuesday afternoon. According to my attorney, they should have been served by the end of the week. When Friday came and I hadn't heard anything, I contacted her. She was shocked that the papers hadn't even been signed by the judge yet. I asked God what in the world was He trying to tell me. I felt like God was asking me to wait and to let Him work in my marriage. SO I cancelled the papers. I am not going to tell you that my marriage is awesome. It's far from that. However, I have seen God working. I have been praying for years for God to change my husband's heart. I've been praying sporadically (although not whole heartedly) for God to change mine. I have been trying (although not whole heartedly) to trust God and to be patient. IT.IS.HARD. This is where my faith and trust have been tested the most recently. I think other than "coming out" to my family about believing in Jesus, this is the one area that it has been the most difficult to actually live out my faith and trust.
It's way easier to trust and have faith when things are going well in our lives. It's way easier to be thankful and praise God when we're getting what we want, feeling good, rolling along in life. But I have been in the fire. In the pit. Loneliness has consumed me. Bitterness and resentment have had their hooks in my heart for a long time. Pain has been unbearable at times. I have become someone that I don't believe God intended me to be. It's like being chained up in a dark prison. Paul suffered in prison, He was chained. He could have easily allowed bitterness, resentment, loneliness and pain to consume Him. But he didn't. He prayed, He trusted, He continued to spread the Good News to anyone and everyone that He possibly could. He lived out His faith and trust chained to a dirty, cold, dark prison floor. He lived in such a way that anyone who saw him saw God. His faith met the fire and didn't allow it to consume him and change him. This verse has been one to hold onto for me...
Isaiah 43:2 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
My faith has been meeting the fire quite a bit recently in my marriage. I have, thanks be to God, been able to walk through the fire with grace, with some degree of peace, with mercy - admittedly not always, and certainly it's NOT been easy - but more than I have ever been able to before, because I'm allowing God to change me. Change is hard, but it has to start with me. If we wait around for someone else to change before we will...then we're allowing the fire to consume us. It was consuming me. Some days, it still is to some degree. But I have to push back against it, and do something different. I can't continue to live in the same cycle of turmoil and expect a different result. The change in my words, actions and reactions has led to some change in my spouse...and I think even in my boys. I have NO idea what's on the other side of the trust and faith I'm putting into God regarding my marriage. I haven't had hope in this marriage in a very long time. I'm not sure I do now either, but I have hope in God. I want to continue to live the way Jesus taught us to live. To serve, to love. It's totally counter cultural and counter intuitive for us to serve and love someone that is causing us so much pain. It's what we're supposed to do though. It's how we get set apart as children of God, as followers of Jesus. It's how other people see HIM. The way we treat others...toilet cleaners, spouses, kids, drive through workers, CEO's, famous people...we are to ALWAYS be the hands and feet of Jesus. Sometimes we can treat everyone else well except. Except our spouse, except our kids, except our parents, except a certain group of people, except that one person that has always treated us poorly. Paul says WHATEVER we do, we're do it in the name of Jesus...
Colossians 3:17 New International Version (NIV): 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Lord I pray that You will keep me strong while I walk through this fire. Marriage is SUPER hard and you know that mine has been very difficult and very unhealthy for so long. I know that you have a plan that is greater than I can see. I want to continue to follow You, I want to trust and have faith that goes beyond my human understanding and do what's right, even if it's hard. I know that change has to start with me and I am so grateful that You are changing my heart. It's been difficult and painful and sometimes I just want to stop trying so hard, to give up the fight...but thanks to Your love and Your word and the work You are doing in me, I am making it through, one day at a time, one minute at a time. I'm sorry that there are times I lose my patience, I don't have grace or I slip back into old patterns. I'm human, and I'm a work in progress. Father, YOU are the potter, and I am the clay. I pray You will continue to shape me into the woman you have created me to be, so that in ALL I do and say, others will see YOU. I pray that You will continue to work in my husband's heart and that You will draw him to You. His disbelief in you is very difficult for me to deal with and it many times allows me to be discouraged and lose faith. I KNOW that with You, ALL things are possible. So I put my trust in You, today, in this moment...and I pray that I will have the strength to give you the next moment and the next day, one at a time until Your work in me and Your work in my marriage is complete. Thank You God for knowing what's best for me and for keeping me on the path that You have laid out for me. In the name of Jesus, I pray for my continued obedience to Your will in my life. Amen.
My marriage has been in turmoil for MANY years. I almost got divorced this past summer. When I say almost, I mean I literally signed the papers and they had been sent to a judge on a Tuesday afternoon. According to my attorney, they should have been served by the end of the week. When Friday came and I hadn't heard anything, I contacted her. She was shocked that the papers hadn't even been signed by the judge yet. I asked God what in the world was He trying to tell me. I felt like God was asking me to wait and to let Him work in my marriage. SO I cancelled the papers. I am not going to tell you that my marriage is awesome. It's far from that. However, I have seen God working. I have been praying for years for God to change my husband's heart. I've been praying sporadically (although not whole heartedly) for God to change mine. I have been trying (although not whole heartedly) to trust God and to be patient. IT.IS.HARD. This is where my faith and trust have been tested the most recently. I think other than "coming out" to my family about believing in Jesus, this is the one area that it has been the most difficult to actually live out my faith and trust.
It's way easier to trust and have faith when things are going well in our lives. It's way easier to be thankful and praise God when we're getting what we want, feeling good, rolling along in life. But I have been in the fire. In the pit. Loneliness has consumed me. Bitterness and resentment have had their hooks in my heart for a long time. Pain has been unbearable at times. I have become someone that I don't believe God intended me to be. It's like being chained up in a dark prison. Paul suffered in prison, He was chained. He could have easily allowed bitterness, resentment, loneliness and pain to consume Him. But he didn't. He prayed, He trusted, He continued to spread the Good News to anyone and everyone that He possibly could. He lived out His faith and trust chained to a dirty, cold, dark prison floor. He lived in such a way that anyone who saw him saw God. His faith met the fire and didn't allow it to consume him and change him. This verse has been one to hold onto for me...
Isaiah 43:2 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
My faith has been meeting the fire quite a bit recently in my marriage. I have, thanks be to God, been able to walk through the fire with grace, with some degree of peace, with mercy - admittedly not always, and certainly it's NOT been easy - but more than I have ever been able to before, because I'm allowing God to change me. Change is hard, but it has to start with me. If we wait around for someone else to change before we will...then we're allowing the fire to consume us. It was consuming me. Some days, it still is to some degree. But I have to push back against it, and do something different. I can't continue to live in the same cycle of turmoil and expect a different result. The change in my words, actions and reactions has led to some change in my spouse...and I think even in my boys. I have NO idea what's on the other side of the trust and faith I'm putting into God regarding my marriage. I haven't had hope in this marriage in a very long time. I'm not sure I do now either, but I have hope in God. I want to continue to live the way Jesus taught us to live. To serve, to love. It's totally counter cultural and counter intuitive for us to serve and love someone that is causing us so much pain. It's what we're supposed to do though. It's how we get set apart as children of God, as followers of Jesus. It's how other people see HIM. The way we treat others...toilet cleaners, spouses, kids, drive through workers, CEO's, famous people...we are to ALWAYS be the hands and feet of Jesus. Sometimes we can treat everyone else well except. Except our spouse, except our kids, except our parents, except a certain group of people, except that one person that has always treated us poorly. Paul says WHATEVER we do, we're do it in the name of Jesus...
Colossians 3:17 New International Version (NIV): 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Lord I pray that You will keep me strong while I walk through this fire. Marriage is SUPER hard and you know that mine has been very difficult and very unhealthy for so long. I know that you have a plan that is greater than I can see. I want to continue to follow You, I want to trust and have faith that goes beyond my human understanding and do what's right, even if it's hard. I know that change has to start with me and I am so grateful that You are changing my heart. It's been difficult and painful and sometimes I just want to stop trying so hard, to give up the fight...but thanks to Your love and Your word and the work You are doing in me, I am making it through, one day at a time, one minute at a time. I'm sorry that there are times I lose my patience, I don't have grace or I slip back into old patterns. I'm human, and I'm a work in progress. Father, YOU are the potter, and I am the clay. I pray You will continue to shape me into the woman you have created me to be, so that in ALL I do and say, others will see YOU. I pray that You will continue to work in my husband's heart and that You will draw him to You. His disbelief in you is very difficult for me to deal with and it many times allows me to be discouraged and lose faith. I KNOW that with You, ALL things are possible. So I put my trust in You, today, in this moment...and I pray that I will have the strength to give you the next moment and the next day, one at a time until Your work in me and Your work in my marriage is complete. Thank You God for knowing what's best for me and for keeping me on the path that You have laid out for me. In the name of Jesus, I pray for my continued obedience to Your will in my life. Amen.
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