Today...I was Baptized. I read this speech (very nervously with my whole body shaking and my heart about to beat out of my chest), and then I was dunked. Thanks be to God for getting me to and through this day...and also to a lot of other wonderful, faithful, supportive people in my life who have walked this journey with me. In many ways, this journey is just beginning.
The original Star Wars movie was pretty cool, with lots of great characters, special effects and a story that had something for everyone. Its creator, George Lucas, chose specific actors to play each of the character roles. Though that original movie was really cool…it wasn’t the end of the story, as Lucas came out with 2 sequels, then 3 prequels showing how the story began, and soon another 3 sequels will come out, each unfolding more and more of the story. It’s quite a captivating saga that has generated enormous following, billions of dollars in revenue, and has given actors like Harrison Ford incredible opportunities in their careers (imagine if he decided NOT to take the part of Han Solo).
Like Star Wars, we all have our “original” story – the one we were born into. We don’t really get to choose it and it really isn’t even ours. We were all chosen by our creator for a particular part in His story. And so…when I tell you about my story…it’s really just about my small part in God’s story.
I’m Jewish; I was born and raised in a Conservative Synagogue and I have a Hebrew name. I went to religious school about 6 hours a week, had a Bat Mitzvah and a confirmation, was involved in a Jewish youth group, and I went to Israel. Still, I was one of only a handful of Jews at my secular schools growing up, and I knew I was different. I had to miss school on the Jewish high holidays to go to synagogue, brought “matzo” peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school during Passover, experienced anti Semitism and was many times asked to explain the Jewish holidays in class, which made me feel uncomfortable (mostly because I was very shy). I learned a lot about my story growing up in the synagogue and in my Jewish family. It was a really great story.
But…there’s a sequel.
As I grew up, I had lots of people question why I didn’t believe in Jesus. My answer was that we (Jews) didn’t believe the Messiah had come yet. That was the answer I knew, and it was enough for me. Through my teen years and especially after going to Israel, I developed a very strong Jewish identity, although at the same time, I started to be less involved in Jewish life. While my story was chosen for me…I kind of stopped participating in it to some degree.
Fast forward to adulthood and motherhood, I married out of my faith and Jeff and I have 2 boys that we mostly raised celebrating Jewish holidays with my family and Christian holidays with his…otherwise we have been pretty non-religious. When my youngest was 3 years old, he started asking questions about God and Jesus. I told him I believed in God but not Jesus. I didn’t really think much of it so I just went about life as usual. Nursing school consumed much of my life for the next few years, and I didn’t give much thought or attention to religious matters.
I did, however, have some really interesting and thought provoking conversations with 2 of my best girlfriends, sparking some internal spiritual questioning…and then one day I just remember standing in the kitchen with my boys and somehow we were talking about Jesus and God again. I was thinking that the older they get, the more questions they might have, and I thought I should have some better answers. They were born into a story too, and I wasn’t doing a very good job of explaining it.
So I started to read. I was on a mission to give them solid reasons why Jews don’t believe that Jesus is the Messiah so they would understand and be prepared to explain to others. The answers that I had weren’t enough, not for them or for me. I’ve always been one to look things up, rather than just blindly believe what I hear. I started by reading an entire book about why the Jews rejected Jesus. There was a lot of information about prophesies in the Old Testament in regard to the coming Messiah, and the author tried to explain why Jesus couldn’t be the one, but I just wasn’t convinced. So, I figured, well…I might as well read the Bible. I mean the WHOLE thing…The Old Testament (which I grew up learning about) AND The New Testament (which I had NEVER even considered reading before). While many people had tried to convince me that I should believe Jesus was the Messiah, I didn’t. It was an oxymoron, I thought, for Jews to believe in Jesus. But reading the Bible led to reading many…countless other books, and led to many other conversations with my friends. This Jesus guy had really good stuff. He lived a perfect life, free from sin, overcoming temptations, loving God and loving others even to the point of laying down his own life as the ultimate sacrifice for a world full of very imperfect people. He was brutally beaten, crucified on a cross, and then overcame death to continue to show love, mercy and forgiveness to all.
Intellectually, this Jesus being the Messiah thing actually started to make sense to me. It was like the sequel to Star Wars…more of the story. But…I was a Jew…and it just wasn’t gonna work for me, and surely not for my family, for me to believe this story. Over time, intellect gave way to emotional and spiritual belief…and all of this started to become deeply rooted in my heart. I started going to church, doing bible studies.…and… my story was going in a direction I NEVER anticipated. And I was a WRECK. The inner turmoil just started tearing me apart. How can I be JEWISH and believe that Jesus is the Messiah. I used to call that an oxymoron. I have a HUGE family, and I felt like I was letting them all down, letting ALL my people down…I felt guilty going to church, even though I really liked it.
But here I am today, a Jewish girl…in a church… about to be baptized. At my Bat Mitzvah 31 years ago, I recited my haftorah in Hebrew, which is a portion from the writings of the prophets. Mine was from Micah and the passage that I spoke about that night is one that has come back to me through this spiritual journey in ways that I KNOW only God could orchestrate. I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that somehow I was supposed to incorporate this into my Baptism story. It’s from the prophet Micah, verse 6:8 and it says “No, O people, the LORD has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”
Back to Star Wars…my life before Jesus was the original movie. It was good – I knew a great story with great characters and great effects. It was enough. Or so I thought…but then, I saw the sequel…and everything from the original story suddenly made more sense. Knowing the rest of the story…the WHOLE story…is amazing. And it’s still unfolding. One day I’ll get to see the prequel and I’ll know how it came to be that a simple, shy Jewish girl was somehow chosen to play this particular part in the story, why I got to see the sequel before it’s due to be released to the rest of the Jews. I know that God’s plan started with us and that our part of the story isn’t over yet. But for now, I am living in THIS story…being Jewish AND following Jesus, disappointing people I love in the process. Yes, I am a Jew…and I always will be. But I’m different than most Jews...just like I was different in school so many years ago. Today, I am choosing to walk humbly with my God into His story, playing my part by receiving His spirit through the ironically Jewish ceremony of Baptism. I pray that with His help, I will continue to do what is right, even in the face of disappointment, injustice and temptation. I pray that I will receive the gift of His mercy, and in turn give it to others. I pray that I would become so full of Him, that there is little left of me, so that I can finish out the storyline He planned for me long ago. We all have a part to play in His story…he chose us, but we get to choose whether or not to participate in His glorious unfolding.
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